Excuse Me While I Get On My Soapbox
Posted by: momtuition on: April 30, 2012
Ok… So this is my final article in the Autism Awareness series and come next year I don’t want to be the one doing this. Well, yes I want to but I also would like to see more parents, advocates, teachers etc. coming onboard and sharing their insights and stories. You know that whole “together we’re stronger” line? I think the person who first said it was on to something.
I’m like a mixed bag when it comes to Autism Awareness Month. I think, like many other families, we want it to be every month. There’s still this pressing need to raise the collective consciousness past April and beyond. I believe we have made some progress though. Just think about it… The Daly Observer said yes to running this series of articles on probably what is the highest distribution day (Mondays). I was soooo happy because I knew what it meant to me and was hoping it would mean to so many other parents.
We all have a passion for something. Most of the readers of this series, their issue is autism or special needs in general and all the other needs (education, health) which form an intrinsic part of it. Those needs are urgent for us – We live with them every day. Our task now is how we, through advancement, can realistically meet those needs.
As many of you know, I’m a founding member of the special needs (I’m beginning to have issues with that term (special needs) but another day and time) education lobby group ABILITY and… We. Need. Your. Help. It’s in everyone’s best interest that our education system improves. So how do we do that I’m sure you’re asking? Who’s with me if you think what’s needed is a heavy dose in proportions we have yet to fully confront of reality, accountability both personal and governmental.
Many of us have been fighting for a long time – Fighting for opportunity, for change, for a better future for our kids; each sometimes meaning different things to all of us. If I were to be honest with you, sometimes I want to give up. I want to say; “I don’t care! It is what it is.” But then I always think back to the first parent I ever met who had a child (actually 2) on the autism spectrum. I waited an hour to meet her. She could have “blown me off” but instead she made time for me – To talk about my kid and my issues and most of all she listened to me. Every time I think about it, it brings me to tears. I don’t expect everyone to fully understand this; after all you may not have experienced it before. However it is one of the main reasons why I can’t, or better yet won’t give up.
Top of ABIITY’s wish list is carefully thought out, well-crafted solutions that have vision and scope – One that would come about through respectful discussion with a healthy dose of compromise. We don’t pretend to have all the answers but… We. Want. To. Help. We can’t sit by and…
Watch our kids continue to age-out of a school system that did nothing to help them cope in the adult-world they’re being thrust into.
We cannot to accept this continued indirect and in some cases blatant discrimination of our special needs students.
We cannot accept this continued archaic way of thinking (by some individuals) that, special need student equals a curriculum consisting of arts and crafts and recess.
We recognize that special education is not the only need served by the public school system; limited funding has to cover all children. On the other hand though, we cannot continue to accept that it’s ok for our education system to limit access to some students to accommodate whatever level of effort and resourcing it feels it is convenient to offer.
What happened to the core principle of universality of access; education for ALL? It breaks my heart when I talk to other moms with kids who are eighteen, twenty years old and the system they went through has (for the most part) remained the same today. How can anyone expect us to accept that! We will not be having this conversation ten years from now. Will we? We just cannot let that happen!
So what are you going to do about it?
My advice…
I encourage you to be…
More assertive, not angry
More committed, not blindly and
More open-minded, without compromising your values
At the end of the day; don’t idolize the box so much so that you’re unable to think outside of it.
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My name is Salma Crump and I want to thank everyone for their support, words of encouragement, for all the emails they’ve sent – A few parents sent me some very personal emails and said that I sharing my experiences have helped them. That made everything so worth it. To all the folks who sent me emails saying; I touched a nerve or caused them to think of things they’ve never even considered. Thank you. It’s important that you’re onboard for change to happen. Most of all… Thank you to The Daily Observer for making available your platform so my voice could be heard a littler louder. Truly living up to what you believe – “Let there be light”.
This is the final article of a five-part feature I’ve been writing each week which focused on my experiences raising a child with autism. If you have a story to share, any words of advice to add or questions to ask please do so by leaving a comment or sending an email to: salma.crump@gmail.com
You Don’t Know Me!
Posted by: momtuition on: April 23, 2012
I’m a tigress in the bedroom, celeb chef in the kitchen and blah, blah, blah – You know the rest. All that wrapped up into one… Then I wake up and it’s Kuba’s dad telling me about a dream he had. (LOL)
Anyway, all kidding aside; I’m finding that many people think that we’re supposed to be some type of supermom or something like it, whatever that is. Or we can’t be happy because of our circumstances. Or we’re some type of saint because we’re raising kids with special needs. Or just simply that there must be some type of joy that is missing from our lives because of our kids.
I can only talk from experience (Really! – LOL) but sometimes I think the world perceives parents (actually moms, dads don’t usually get this – Think I just had another Aha Moment) of special needs kids in a certain way. So I’m about to give some advice. Please stop! (I’ve learned that simple is better 
)
You’re delusional if you think…
On top of what moms generally have to do, add special needs kid to the mix and you’ve got “SUPER mom”!
This is such a myth for any mom. The truth is this perfect supermom does not exist – And if they do I say we hunt them down and put them out of their misery. Because they MUST BE MISERABLE! Why you ask? They can’t do it all! None of us can! There have been times when I’ve left my office with Kuba in tow at eight o’clock at night. Where he had fries for dinner because that was the only thing our café had that he would eat. On the ride home I’m telling myself that he’ll live if he doesn’t take a bath – He’s asleep on the backseat. By the time we get home it’s almost 9PM and I’ve made my decision, he gets a “cowboy” – Don’t even pretend like you don’t know what that is (LOL). I try to read him a bedtime story to squelch my guilt but at some point I fall asleep only to wake with the book on my face still fully clothed. I get ready for bed feeling more like a slaughtered lamb a tigress would eat. This is hard! Something’s got to give and it won’t be me tonight. SIDE NOTE: Oops… Should have edited that last line from the paper version – And I’ve already gotten a “raised eyebrow” from some critics – Whose “business meetings” I’m beginning to believe must be ending to abruptly so they never get to do a wrap-up. LOL – Oh no… Ok… I’ll end here
We’re sad all the time.
First off; that would be too much therapy for one (our) household. Secondly; who never gets sad? I would hate to be that person. If you’ve been following this series or my blog you will know that I’ve talked about my sadness and the unbearable grief I felt when Kuba was first diagnosed. These days those feelings are rare at best – And probably have more to do with me and my limitations than with him. Mostly, I’m a happy chick.
We’ve been elevated to sainthood.
You know, you’re doing all those other things moms do plus you’re raising a special needs kid. You’re such a saint! Ladies and gentlemen… In your sweet ignorance; that doesn’t make us feel any better. Actually I think it just puts more pressure on us to be/act perfect – And we don’t tell you when we’re feeling overloaded and a little “nut-so” because that’s our dirty little secret… And saints don’t have those. Listen… We’re parents, we’re parents, we’re parents. These are our kids! We’re not being nice to them. We love them and would do anything thing for them like any other parent – But we make mistakes like all other parents do – And… Don’t call the cops but we sometimes yell at our kids. Now I’m not condoning or condemning any behavior and I pray that no parent ever hurts their kid and that there’s someone they can talk to before this ever happens – But, please; we’ll pass on the unsolicited but well-meaning flattery.
We don’t know joy.
To that I say… “No one knows joy like we know joy!” Well, yes, others know joy too – But you have to admit – That was a good line . Seriously though, when our kids make progress, sometimes progress we ourselves doubted – The joy is indescribable! They type of joy that make you want to call everyone you know. (I’ve so been there and done that). Just absolute bliss, like many other parents have with their kids.
My advice…
Pray to God for guidance. Give your kids lots of hugs and kisses, “I love yous”, encourage them to go after their goals. Pray to God that it’s not a professional stuntman or a commercial fisherman. Have you ever watched an episode of “Deadliest Catch”? Trust me on this one. Seriously though; just try to be the best parent to your kids whatever best means to you and them.
The thing is I think one of life’s biggest myths is the idea that another person’s life is much easier or harder than our own. At the end of the day we all have things in our life that suck but who wants to dwell on that?
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April is Autism Awareness Month and this is the fourth of a five-part feature I will be writing each week which will focus on my experiences raising a child with Autism.Your feedback on each article in the series will determine what I write about for the next. If you have a story to share, any words of advice to add or questions to ask please do so by sending an email to: salma.crump@gmail.com or the editor at: editor@antiguaobserver.com
The Things We Don’t Talk About
Posted by: momtuition on: April 16, 2012
- In: Autism & Diet | Diet | Dietary Issues | feeling | Say What! | Special Needs | Thinking OUT LOUD
- 5 Comments
Ok… Bear with me because this is tough and this is probably my first time really addressing relationship issues but I know it’s on the minds of many couples parenting a special needs child.
Here goes…
What I haven’t had the guts (Yeah… I’m talking about guts so it’s DEEP) to write about at length, is what raising Kuba did to our relationship (Charlton and I). And recently I’ve been asked why since it’s such an important part of my story.
If I were to believe everything I read – The odds are stacked against us staying together and I can well understand it. When Kuba was first diagnosed we never had a single argument about what we were going to do. As matter of fact we never really sat down and made any plans per se. I think we were both in panic-mode mode about what to do. We both were online all the time researching, he would talk to people he’s comfortable with, I would talk to people I’m comfortable with and EVERYBODY else. Actually I think Charlton was the one who found a speech therapist on island that we started using. Then about a year or two into it I became “Chief Navigation Officer”. A role that I took on with probably everything in me then some – And after that the issues weren’t necessarily fast but boy, was some of them furious.
We finally get him into a school that we’re hoping can help him…
Why are we paying separate fees for the same school?
Because that’s their system and we both agreed to it; remember?
Homeschooling is now a thought…
He needs to go to school. Home is not for school.
SIDE NOTE: Who would have thought…? We’re now both proponents of homeschooling as an option if it works for the child and family
We decided on a shortened school-week – Two days at school and three days at home. Kuba is an only child and socialization is an important part of his therapy – We get a reduced tuition for school.
So you’re telling me we’re paying almost $600 for him to socialize? That’s what you’re telling me?
Kuba, because of his sensory issues is extremely selective with his food. No chicken. No meat. No fish – Actually stopped eating fish then he suddenly became allergic to it – I was the one forcing him to eat fish the day we realized this. Just kill me now I thought. Found out about his allergy to eggs the same way. I think he wanted to kill me at that time. No rice. With the exception of potatoes; no voluntary eating of vegetables… Welcome five hour dinners. No hotdog or hamburger. No sodas… THANK GOD! With the exception of Mac and Cheese no pasta. And the list goes on and on.
I’ve tried so many things to get him to eat other foods. Some have worked and some haven’t.
Charlton’s one and only strategy… Don’t give him anything else. In other words withhold until he eats what I want him to. Please somebody… Help me to deliver this newsflash to him. It! Does! Not! Work! He will go to bed hungry. Plus I’ve been suffering with migraines since childhood so I’m always afraid of him getting headaches.
He now eats oatmeal but that’s because I cooked it every day for weeks and I would just place it on the table long with whatever (something he liked) he was having for breakfast – He wasn’t forced to eat it. He started out just smelling it then he would take a spoonful and let his tongue touch it. Then after a few weeks I started feeding him. It used to take us over an hour to get through a bowl of oatmeal and sometimes he wouldn’t even finish it. Charlton thought I was “nut-so”. Thought I was wasting time and food – And Kuba has too many options… Yada, yada, yada. So we would be at the table and he would say, “Kuba, eat the oatmeal! You’re not getting anything else to eat this morning!” At this point I’m saying “ini mini miny mo” in my head trying to decide whether I should say something or give him my best actress “IGNORE”. On some days I’ve realized that you have to learn to pick your battles.
The school is now saying that Kuba can’t come to school unless an assistant is coming with him. I could have told you this was going to happen – Saw it coming. And what did you tell them? You handle it.
Honestly, sometimes he makes me so mad with his you-handle-it-attitude. I don’t want to make all the decisions. SIDE NOTE: I may delete this line because it may be held against me in the future.
At times I have wanted him to handle to the school confrontations. I wanted him to be the one having the in-depth discussions with the teachers, the tutors, the therapists and everyone else who is a part of our life. Then come home and tell me about it. I just wanted to shut-up for a while. SIDE NOTE: I have a funny feeling about what I just said… The “shut-up” portion… Can’t be good…
And to think he would sometimes call me Castro. Don’t raise your eyebrows. It’s a term of endearment – And I know there’s a compliment in there somewhere. The thing is, deep down even when I was stressed out to the max when were faced with certain issues relating to Kuba – And I was getting the too numerous to mention “Oh My God! You again looks”; I still wanted to do it ALL. SIDE NOTE: I think I should make it clear I refuse to settle. I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO SETTLE! I think our kids deserve so much more than what they’re currently getting.
So, on one had I wanted him to step in and take over and on the other I didn’t want to lose that control. He would do something then I would criticize it because I didn’t think it was done right then he would get mad. I tell you… We’ve had our share of Oscar-worthy arguments.
These days we’re making it work because we genuinely love each other and we tell each other that everyday. We kiss all the time. We plan date-nights. Actually this (date-nights) was Charlton’s idea – A clear sign to me that we needed to make time for us. It’s so easy to get caught up with all the therapy, meetings, and the latest this and that that you forget about your partner’s needs and even your own. We also realized that our son would be better off with the two of us together. Not because of him but for him. I think we initially viewed our personal misery as temporary. We kept thinking, “We have to get through this – We’ll sort the other stuff out later.” To some degree I would say it worked for us but everyone knows that eventually things always come out.
We now recognize that we each bring different strengths to the table and we respect that. In hindsight, now I think about it, our problems were not so far off from those so typical to autism itself, difficulty communicating.
If we’re looking for a tutor I get the calls I do the interviews but we talk about it throughout the entire process and sometimes we end up talking about things we wouldn’t have discussed ordinarily.
He knows when to step in and just make the decisions when he sees me getting overwhelmed – And I try not to over-think it and just go with whatever decision he’s made because I know he has our best interest at heart.
He’s the one that takes Kuba riding, to the football field, let him climb trees (I just couldn’t watch this) and all those other things that I wasn’t putting any real importance on because I had this “militant mentality” (By the way I just made that up but it’s the only way I could describe how I felt back then) about therapy and I had to see it in everything. I have to tell myself that I can’t make him parent like I do and there’s value in his way of doing things as well. SIDE NOTE: I guess he was probably right. Looking back, my behavior may have come off a bit “Castro-esque”.
What advice would I give?
Try to even each other out. You know; compensate for each other’s weaknesses. Ain’t no bed of roses… Don’t get me wrong at all. As Kuba gets older the issues have changed. Plus you’re alive… You’re not dead, so there will always be times when you’re at odds about how to deal with a situation – But what I think will make the difference is both of you remembering not to give up on making your relationship work and that it’s worth whatever effort you can give to keep trying.
We’ve had so many highs but there have been lows too. At the end of the day though I wouldn’t change a single thing; not even my nickname “Castro” .
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My name is Salma Crump and I’m the mother of Kuba, a nine year old boy who was diagnosed with autism at 3 – I’m a blogger, see what else I’ve said here: www.momtuition.wordpress.com and I’m co-founder of the Special Needs Education lobby group ABILITY. April is Autism Awareness Month and this is the third of a five-part feature I will be writing each week which will focus on my experiences raising a child with Autism.
Your feedback on each article in the series will determine what I write about for the next. If you have a story to share, any words of advice to add or questions to ask please do so by sending an email to: salma.crump@gmail.com or the editor at: editor@antiguaobserver.com
NOTE: This is the unedited version of the article which appeared in today’s edition of The Daily Observer
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My Sisterhood
Posted by: momtuition on: April 10, 2012
- In: Advocacy | feeling | Special Needs
- 16 Comments
Picture this…
You’re in the bank and the waiting line is loooong. You just couldn’t avoid going in today and as luck would have it your child, who gets upset by crowds and noise, is with you. As soon as you opened the door and saw all those faces you held your breath. Your child starts making a certain noise, not quite a scream but you know there’s one not far away – You whisper to them soothingly; “I’m sorry honey but mom has to do this now”. Then you start reciting the lines from “The Smartest Giant in Town”, one of his favorite story books. This appears to be working for now. You’re at the end of the line.
Your child is beginning to get a bit agitated. He’s now putting his hands over his ears and closing his eyes but for some reason he can sense every time the door opens and closes because he opens his eyes to look – He doesn’t particularly look at the person coming though; more just watching it open and close. It’s almost as if it’s interrupting whatever he’s trying to concentrate on. For now you’re just relieved that he’s not screaming at the top of his lungs. Ok… A bank employee is headed your way – You’ve finally mustered up the courage to ask if you can “jump the line”. Just as soon as you’re about to open your mouth you hear a LOUD SHREIK! It’s your kid. The security guard is locking the door. The bank is closed. You want to shout…NOOOOOOOO! And for a second you think you did but nothing actually came out of your mouth – It was just hanging open. The employee stops and asks… “Miss, is everything ok? Can you get him to quiet down?” By this time you have the attention of just about everyone in the place.
Your kid is still screaming and many of the onlookers are “shooting daggers” at you. You can hear some clearly reciting the chapter; “If That Was Me… Anyway My Kid Would Never Do That!” – Taken from their “I’m A Better Parent than You Manual”. You go on to explain to the employee that your kid has special needs and he gets upset by crowds and right now he’s being over-stimulated and you want to know if it’s at all possible for you to get your transaction done now. Your kid is still screaming. The employee’s response to you (not really answering your question); “I’m so sorry Miss but you will have to take him outside if he doesn’t stop screaming. You’re response; “YOU’RE SORRY! What exactly are you sorry for? That you don’t seem to give a shit or that now, after standing in line for what seems like eternity you now want me to take my kid outside? Which one is it?” Yes… You said all that… In your head though.
At the same time a lady taps you on the shoulder and says… “I’m up next you can take my spot. You stare at her and your eyes well-up. You can’t bring yourself to utter any words but she knows you’re thanking her and its coming from the kindest place in your heart. She touches your arm and says to you quietly… “I have a daughter with autism, I know how it goes.”
This is the bond of the sisterhood – A sort of exclusive club – A club that chose me. If I had the choice I never would have chosen to join it but now I’m bound by a deep connection. That “THING” you feel when you meet someone else who has a child with special needs.
The conversations are easy. This mom gets “it” and you can just talk without a ton of explanation.
The excitement you feel when you hear their kid did something awesome. You know what that feeling is like and you want it for them as much as you want it for yourself.
The mom at the church you were invited to (by a friend) who comes looking for you after you’ve taken your child outside to burn-off-some-steam. She says to you; “I know the feeling but don’t feel pressured to leave, the message is for him too.”
The tight hug you gave to the mom you just met in person for the first time but to whom you’ve spoken to for hours on the phone – Revealing stuff you’ve never broached with some of your closest friends. A mutual friend put both of you in contact.
Laughter and sometimes tears, this sisterhood of women nourishes my soul in ways that only those who are familiar with the truth of my circumstances can.
These are the ties that bind us.
I’m so thankful for all of you. I don’t know how I would do it otherwise.
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My name is Salma Crump and I’m the mother of Kuba, a nine year old boy who was diagnosed with autism at 3 – I’m a blogger, see what else I’ve said here: www.momtuition.wordpress.com and I’m co-founder of the Special Needs Education lobby group ABILITY. April is Autism Awareness Month and this is the second of a five-part feature I will be writing each week which will focus on my experiences raising a child with Autism.
Your feedback on each article in the series will determine what I write about for the next. If you have a story to share, any words of advice to add or questions to ask please do so by sending an email to: salma.crump@gmail.com or the editor at: editor@antiguaobserver.com
NOTE: There may not be an article in the paper this week because of the holiday on Monday.
Accepting The Unexpected
Posted by: momtuition on: April 2, 2012
Today is Autism Awareness Day and this (post below) is the first in a series of five articles which (I will be writing) will be featured in The Daily Observer for the month of April. I hope it brings some comfort to someone who is still trying to come to terms with an autism diagnosis.
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A parent once said to me… “I wish I could be more like you. You’re so outspoken about your experiences with your son and how you’re coping and I’m finding it so hard to think about anything else but my son is going on 7years and still not speaking.” It was in response to a post (titled: Ten Fingers & Ten Toes) I had written on my blog last year on Father’s Day.
I’ve been very candid about my situation but this is something (comments like these – This was not the first occurrence) that stops me in my tracks all the time. The thing is… I know I seem pretty sane. And I am most days. I seem pretty optimistic, hopeful, positive – By the way I think all those words mean pretty much the same thing; right? But I am really. At least that’s the case now.
But I remember…
When Kuba (my son) was first diagnosed and I used to cry (the ugly cry at that), because we didn’t know what to do, where to begin, who to talk to – Added to that it felt like all our hopes and dreams for our son were beginning to crash and burn. I literally felt like we were the only ones going through this. I often wonder if I had been as outspoken back then as I am today whether or not our story would have been one of more doom and gloom and profound sadness as opposed to one of “It’s ok… You can do it! Autism is not a death sentence.” I’m not going to lie. We didn’t get here overnight plus there are still days when we struggle with the challenges we face but here are some of the things that helped/help us:
We began talking – Or perhaps I should say “I” began talking because his dad isn’t much of a talker but one of his biggest supporters. So I began talking very early to everyone about any and everything. Our worries our grief, all the time trying to find out where we can get help.
I forced myself to quit obsessing about other parents and what I thought (at the time) were their “normal” kids. Like I‘ve said many times… “Everyone’s normal is different.” Actually I think the word is sometimes overused and dangerously interpreted. The same goes for “perfect”.
I realized that I had to make a conscious decision to search for happiness. I’ve learned to be very happy for what I have and not sad over what I don’t have – And these days when I feel down; if a little cheesecake don’t help… Just kidding – I look through Kuba’s books and I see how far he’s come with his writing or I take him out to eat just the two of us and I let him order from the menu on his own – And I know the waiter/waitress is about to smile because his order will be, “Fries on a plate with ketchup”. He’s very precise and thinks very literal, a common characteristic of autism. When I see this happen it makes me happy because at one point I thought he would never speak. Other days I would just call another mom, sometimes just to ask how their kid is doing and we’ll end up talking for hours. And let me tell you… There’s nothing like having a real conversation to help you beat the “blues”.
Another obsession I gave up? Actually I should say one that I’m still learning to cope (to some extent) with, is feeling the need to read everything (about autism) that I come across or that someone tells me about. Also I stopped, very early, looking at developmental milestones. Talk about torture and stress! Something I genuinely believe our children absorb and I think it probably impacts their development in some way. Now I look back and wonder why I felt the need to punish myself. Parents, if you’re going through this right now here’s a word of advice. Stop! I know… I thought I was going to say something more “deep” too (LOL). Ok, here’s something that worked for us. Setting our own goals – Ones that you can change. The ones in the books and on the websites you can’t. It’s like the serenity prayer… “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the… Ladies and gentlemen, I think I’m watching too much Oprah because that there (what I just said) was an “Aha Moment”.
Very early, we got Kuba on an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Program, in which I got some training. The first time I sat down and did therapy with him – I cried like a baby! It was debatable who needed the therapy most – But even then I felt like I had to do it all… A sort of “June-ICanDoItBest-Cleaver”. I wanted to be everything to everyone and I couldn’t and it became unbearable because I was always feeling guilty. I decided I couldn’t beat myself up anymore. I did my best and refused to feel guilty about being able to do every single thing.
We didn’t wake up one day and said… “Ok. We accept this”. Our acceptance happened over time. Strangely enough, and I’ve spoken about this before – We never questioned our son’s diagnosis. As a matter of fact we were beginning to raise our suspicion of autism with his pediatrician who at the time told us that we had nothing to worry about – But you know that gut-feeling, these days I call it momtuition, that tell you all isn’t what it seems. So as heartbreaking as the diagnosis was we knew we had two options; (1) Do nothing (2) Help our son every way we can. By the way, just to be clear… Acceptance is not the goal. The goal is to do everything within your power to, as Kuba’s dad says all the time, give your child/ren the best shot at being the best person they can be. Not your dream-best, or what they say in the books best, but his best.
I once heard a doctor say that loving your child does not make you an expert and he’s absolutely right. It doesn’t. But you know your child better than anyone else. So here’s some advice… Get ready for the “deep” stuff… You seek out help for your child because you cannot do it alone. However, I think if someone wants to claim the title of being an expert then they should know that as vast as their expertise is, it is still limited and that only in combination with other experts does the label of expertise reach its full potential. So in this case it’s either all of us are experts or none of us are. So when you talk, you talk as a parent, not as a scientist – A parent who is on call 24/7 – A parent who has had to come up with strategies that work for your child in real-time and not at your next appointment or the next day at school. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t want to be without these professionals but all “heads” (of the people on your care-team) must be able to come through the door. Don’t you think?
So there you have it… How I’ve gotten to this place. Mind you, I still have moments of sadness – like now as I’m writing this piece, and I still sometimes worry about Kuba’s future but I’ve come a long long way though, especially mentally. I’ve gotten over my why-me, poor-kid complex – And most of all I have a happy kid who brings me a lot of joy each day.
My name is Salma Crump and I’m the mother of Kuba, a nine year old boy who was diagnosed with autism at 3 – I’m a blogger, see what else I’ve said here: www.momtuition.wordpress.com and I’m co-founder of the Special Needs Education lobby group ABILITY. Today is Autism Awareness Day but we’re taking the entire month of April. This is the first of a five-part feature (every Monday) that will focus on Autism.
If you have any words of advice to add or questions to ask please do it here or send an email to: salma.crump@gmail.com or the Editor at The Daily Observer at: editor@antiguaobserver.com.
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Must Love (AT LEAST) Two Men
Posted by: momtuition on: March 16, 2012
So, I’m not a big Valentines fan – And by the way it’s not because I don’t get anything. Well; yes it is (LOL) but I was never really that into it, even when I was getting the whole shebang.
This past Valentine’s Day Charlton didn’t even remember. Or so he claims. His car was in the shop so I took him to work… SIDE NOTE: Sharing a car with your man… Well! That’s all I will say.
So we’re in the car and he’s ignoring me. We’re coming up to a hitchhiker… If I’m alone I don’t usually pick up hitchhikers, unless I absolutely know them, their parents and their creditors. With him it’s…
Charlton: I’m going to give that guy a ride
Me (in the few seconds before we get to the hitchhiker): Who is he? Do you know him?
Charlton: Yes FBI. And even if I tell you, you still won’t know who he is. It’s ok…
We pick up the guy and drop him off…
We’re alone now… SUKI! SUKI! 
He’s driving and I’m rubbing his leg and sometimes his head. We’re listening to NICE FM and I’m singing some sunshine song… Directly to the man ladies and gentlemen – And smiling – And you know… When I talk about smiling its SMILING! No reaction! He’s ignoring me… PROPER!
We get to the parking lot…
He’s getting out the car…
Me: Happy Valentine’s Day hon
Charlton: Wait; today is Valentine’s Day?
Me (thinking): This must be payback from me putting the piggy-bank funDS in a restricted account the night before. I have to tell you; I was a little bit wounded. Anyway, I don’t care about Valentine’s Day. It’s only one day. And obviously Charlton has taken me seriously with my “I don’t care about Valentine’s Day story”, which I really don’t by the way…
He gives me the usual kiss. No tongue-action… NOTHING!
Whatever… I know what I said… Don’t remind me
Charlton leaves and I start climbing into the driver’s seat. I do this all the time – I don’t want to get out the car and walk around. The same time a guy is jut pulling into the parking lot and I flashed him my morning, afternoon and probably evening too. SIDE NOTE: Me thinking… Well… at least I’ve just made somebody’s Valentines.
Anyway; fast forward to later that day.
I get home from the office. Kuba goes directly to the kitchen. He’s been talking about toast for the entire ride home.
SIDE NOTE: That’s a characteristic that you sometimes find with people on the autism spectrum – They get fixated on particular topic and will talk about it incessantly. What you need to do is not to cut the conversation short or stop talking to them – After all you don’t want to stop conversation, you want to encourage it but on different topics. So you will need to teach them how to. What I do with Kuba is… I just change the subject to another topic that I know he likes. Saying… “Don’t talk about the Lion King Broadway musical anymore”, does not work. Trust me… I know. Been there, done that, sometimes still do it. The trouble is what to do when he’s outside his circle. He’s now more and more beginning to initiate conversations with others and we need to work on his icebreaker. Going up to someone and saying… “Hey, would you like some toast, with butter and cheese?” is not cutting it. By the way, a grilled cheese sandwich is one of his favorites. I’m now thinking about making him some cue cards (read about it somewhere online) with a picture of something that he knows about and likes with perhaps a few associated words on the back. So he would keep about 2 or 3 of them in his pocket for him to use as a reminder. Now when I’m done with that I will then have to work on him actually taking them out of his pocket – LOL. I guess I will have to tell whoever he will be interacting with to prompt him to take one from his pocket. Motherhood is just GRRREAAATTT!
Anyway; so back to where I was…
Kuba heads to the kitchen and I head to my bedroom.
The lights are off… I see something sparkling in the middle of the bed.
My first thought…
I thought we said no gifts for VDay?! OMG! I didn’t get him anything!
2nd thought…
I banished that thought completely from my mind. SIDE NOTE: A few years ago Charlton bought me negligee for VDay and I don’t know what the hell he was thinking when he bought me that – And he was with a friend too. Can you imagine? I told myself at the time that it must have been the friend who encouraged him to buy it. And I know… That is a whole other story for another time. By the way I’m not against him getting me a negligee – But buy sudden that can lift and squeeze (gently) and camouflage. I don’t care… Don’t judge me. At least I kept it so that should count for something. Shouldn’t it? SIDE NOTE in Side Note: *Dis might cause wan lef (Translation: *This may cause a breakup) because Charlton can be very sensitive when it comes to these things – He wants you to LOVE LOVE LOVE everything he buys. Anyway, unless you’re going to take my place when he’s giving the “It’s not you it’s me” talk then let me say no more. LMAO
3rd and every other thought after that…
I’m doing a mental check of all of Kuba’s art supplies. Bet your ass I’m going to outdo him if it’s a card on that bed. *People go tark bout dis card yah! (Translation: *People will be talking about this card!). SIDE NOTE: I know you’re thinking I’m shallow right now but… BIG YAWN…
By the way I think I should tell you (ONLY because it’s the right thing to do) that at this point I still don’t quite know yet what’s on the bed – The room is still dark.
SIDE NOTE: I guess my mom is onto something when she calls us the “Drama Family”. I’m Drama Queen. Kuba is, not Drama Prince but Prince of Drama. She’s stopped short (at least out loud) of giving Charlton a royal title but…
Anyway I turn on the lights and see one of the most outlandish, tacky, big red bow *dat somebady haffu tief fram wan ALP campaign affice* BUT best Valentine’s Day card ever made! (Translation: *that someone stole from an ALP campaign office*)
And who was the card from…?
My one and only *bruk-packet* (Translation: *broke-pocket* – My pocket BTW), love to eat out, think that every supermarket we drive by that we must go in, up until recently only wanted ice-cream from Australian Homemade and would go out with others (my mom included) who would then ask us if me and my man have conversation about the status of their pocket with our CHILD otherwise known as Kuba – Who I love more than anything else and understand the love for Australian Homemade but respect the Sunshine all the same
I took up the card went out to the kitchen where Kuba was…
Me: Kuba, you made this card for mom?
Kuba: Yes… Happy Valentine’s Day mom! I love you!
My heart melts…
What did I think about Valentine’s Day again?
Oh, I remember… It helps to have more than one man in your life
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The Boycott
Posted by: momtuition on: January 29, 2012
- In: Dos & Don'ts | driving | Eating Habits | Nuts & Bolts | Say What! | Thinking OUT LOUD
- 4 Comments
And no it’s not a business meeting… Who the hell in their right mind does that!
So I get there about 1PM; prime lunch time… The placed is packed and the line is loooong. I’m at Subway – Standing in line – And after a while I see folks just going up to the counter, turning around then leaving with each one slamming the door a little bit harder than the one before them. I stay in the line and wait my turn not realizing I’m heading into idiot-ville. All of a sudden you hear an outburst at the counter, “Whey yuh mean nun effing bread day?” (Translation: What do you mean there’s no bread?) Believe it when you hear that a hungry man is an angry man . Folks started complaining and leaving after this but I stayed. Why? I’m sure you’re asking. I don’t know… Could be that by this time I was like , fricking hungry plus I’ve walked into idiot-ville a few times before so I guess a part of me was thinking that the people there know me – LOL. I don’t want to believe we’ve been standing here all this time and there’s no bread and no one is saying anything.
Anyway, I’m about to get to the counter… I get there, order a grilled chicken sub. The attendant lets me complete my order then says,
Food Attendant: There’s no bread but you can get a wrap
Me (thinking): UN-SignLanguage-BELIEVEABLE! SIDE NOTE: My alter-ego wanted to say, “Whey yuh mean nu effing bread day?” But I usually talk my alter-ego out of doing and saying shit all the time so… What some people would call the “stush” me said…
Me: Are you kidding me? When were you guys going to say something? We’ve been standing in line all this time and no one saw if fit to make an announcement?
Food Attendant: We have wraps
Me (thinking): Well NEWS-PlentyWords-FLASH… That’s why people are leaving! No-one cares about the damn wraps! SIDE NOTE: By the way does it make sense for me to tell you that by this time she’s now telling me that they’re out of cucumber and tomatoes so if I want the wrap those won’t be included. I know… IN-JailTime-CREDIBLE!
Me: Is the cost for this wrap any cheaper?
Food Attendant: No. It’s the same amount
I then turned around and said…
Me: EVERYBODY! Subway is out of BREAD and TOMATOES and CUCUMBER!” So if you don’t want a Who-Gives-A-Shit-Wrap you can leave now!
SIDE NOTE: Ok, I didn’t actually say that second part about the wrap – BUT I so wish I did, right? It sounds so bad-ass! And I don’t think I would have obsessed about it either. Like think that maybe there was someone telling them all along to make an announcement to the customers but they ignored her. And she didn’t want to say anything because she had just started working there and feared that she would lose her job if she did. Plus there’s a guy in the line that she was checking out and it looked like he was checking her out too. Now she’s wondering what he’s thinking after my outburst. She’s embarrassed. Like that I would be obsessing. God… I need to get this OCD shit under control. BTW, in my nut-job obsession if I said what I didn’t say then obsessed about it – They guy would be thinking… I hope they close this joint early so I can walk this chick to her car, bus or wherever . Bow-chicka-wow-wow .
Anyway, my announcement caused most of the other suckers (like myself) to leave. Back to my car that’s parked illegally, in a spot not suited for parking, in a spot where it should not be with the engine running. That’s the trick folks. Leave your engine running – This way if you come back out and a cop is about to write a ticket your excuse makes better sense. You know… Something like; “It was just going to be in and out officer. I didn’t expect to take this long. I went in there and so and so (make shit up – LOL) happened.”
SIDE NOTE: Murda! Nuh badda sen dis to yuh police fren. Yuh too libarty! Translation: Please do not send this post to your friend who’s a police. Nobody asked you to, so don’t!
SIDE NOTE: And please… If e between a tief and yuh ploice fren. Tek all de libarty yuh want and send ge yuh police fren… PLEASE! Nuh tell nun teif bout dis! Translation: Cyarn badda wid dat right now! Seriously though… Translation: If you JUST HAVE TO TALK about my car and how I park with the engine running – And you have to choose between your friend who’s a police and your friend who’s a thief - Tell your friend who’s a cop. By the way if you haven’t already started think about that intervention with the thief now is the time to do so.
Anyway, back to my rant…
Now tell me… How the hell does Subway run out of bread? Cookies…? Yes! We-don’t-give-a-shit-about-your-wraps? Yes! But bread! You’re in the sandwich business for crying-out-loud! You don’t run out of bread!
I went to Subway one day to get a sandwich for lunch a little after they opened in Antigua – And that’s what happened which led to a one-man boycott that lasted a few years.
Yes… After a few years I went back. Turns out Charlton took Kuba there and he loves their pizza. I know right…? You would think I could count on him to boycott with me.
My unfortunate experience took place at the Subway city branch which I’ve been into twice (yes twice) since the end of the boycott. So much time had passed that I did not recognize anyone so I was hoping that they had either worked their way up so I don’t have to see them or out which would be better for Subway and folks like me
Anyway, now… I could not be happier with the service. And this is the service at the Old Parham Road branch. There’s even an attendant there that recognizes us as soon as we walk in and pretty much knows our order. Now that’s service!
By the way folks, there’s this FB Group that sort of led to me writing this post. I was initially writing this as a comment on this page but whaddayaknow… Turned out to be an epistle. I should have known. I have trouble doing anything small . Take a look at the page though and consider joining too.
Customer Service in Antigua & Barbuda
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Making 35 & Faded Underwear
Posted by: momtuition on: January 4, 2012
- In: Advocacy | Aging | Dos & Don'ts | feeling | Nuts & Bolts | Special Needs | Special Needs Education | Thinking OUT LOUD | Underwear
- 7 Comments
So, I’m technically ten, nine, eight, seven, no, six, ok five days away from my birthday. SIDE NOTE: Took me some time to get going on this post… And you will find out to end it as well. LOL
I’ll be 35 any day now. Can you imagine that? I keep asking my mom and Charlton about the surprise party they’re throwing for me but haven’t been getting any clues at all. It’s beginning to look like they won’t be doing a damn thing. Mom just told me that 35 isn’t a milestone. My mom… Said that… To me. That hurt deep. So I’m sorry folks; especially to those who got an early invite. Next year… DEFINITELY!
I’m looking forward to 35 though. It’s the new 25, or so the 35 year olds say .
Thirty-four was a good year, mostly because I survived it with my sanity in tack and didn’t run around my neighborhood or my office naked. I swear… I’ve had dreams.
The year started out with us just beginning to settle into a new program in a new school. Then at the end of summer we had to make some tough choices. I think most of you know how that ended. I felt like I crashed and burned. And what made it worse is that at one point it felt like Kuba was burning too and I couldn’t do anything about it. You know me (as Salma) you knew about this program. If you know me as “The Salma Crump” perhaps there’s still a chance that you know about this program. LOL- Couldn’t help it; just had to get that in there. I was into it BIG-O TIME-O. Like all the other parents were as well.
Anyway; along the way I began to lose my passion when the program began changing direction. Little things turned into big things. At one point (initially) I felt like I couldn’t talk openly about some of the fears I was beginning to have about this program. I know… One minute I couldn’t stop talking about it and the next… So outside of the other parents (at school) and my mom – I just glossed over school when anyone asked. SIDE NOTE: I guess that’s the new word (glossed-over) for “lie” now.
Unfortunately though, we had to move on with what we felt (and still feel) was right for Kuba at the time. I still do hope though that eventually the program develops into what was originally planned or even better. Better is good… We like better
Then we launched ABILITY; a Special Education lobby group. This was a group that started on BBM after a very intense discussion between 3 moms. Truth be told I had never met one of the moms and was just introduced to her on BBM before the discussion. Isn’t it amazing the things you can get accomplished once there’s a common goal? I think we’ve managed to do that but we still have a lot more to do – The work never really ends when you think about it. You’re an advocate… You’re an advocate… You’re an advocate. It never stops. SIDE NOTE: I think I would say that this was one of the highlights of the year. I’ve met so many other parents and the support we’ve received have been overwhelming.
My apologies… Think I rambled on there for a minute.
So on to the juicy stuff now. You can stop reading now if you’re NOT nosy
I haven’t made any resolutions except one unofficial one, and it’s not to bring my blackberry into bed. But if Charlton is asleep it doesn’t count that why it’s unofficial.
So instead of resolutions there are just certain dos and don’ts that I try to live by.
Here goes…
1. If Dr. Oz is going to do a show on “Getting Rid of Belly Fat” and they’ve asked members of the audience to wear a sports bra and gym-pants. Don’t go! DON’T DO IT! I tell you… You’re going to regret it if you do.
2. Never trespass on private property – Because you’ve always wondered; “What’s back there?” And today you finally decide to go check it out – So you drive all the way in and then you stop, make a move to get out the car – Then the other adult in the car says; “I thought you were just going to drive up and look-and-leave?” And then you may say; “I watch too much HGTV for that.” Then they say; “I’m not coming. There may be security cameras here and I’m not going to be on it.” Then you say; “What you talkin bout Willis?” And then you get out the car and leave the engine running, hoping that the other adult just may really stay there in the event you have to make a run for it. But in reality only to be followed by the adult and a child who may be with you. Then you get a chance to fully take in the view which is to-die-for – Then it hits you… There’s only one way in and the same way out… Well; unless you want to go over the balcony. And then you may say out loud; “This balcony isn’t up to code. It’s hitting me mid-thigh.” And the one other adult passenger says; “How do you know that?” Then you may have to say; “I do learn stuff while watching HGTV you know.” Ok… I take this one back. Do it! Do it! Totally do it! This view is insane! I mean, so I heard
3. It’s ok work your way up the ladder. Have a good career ahead of you, nice office but still dream about quitting your job and clipping coupons and appearing on the TLC’s Extreme Couponing. It looks like so much fun on TV. If it ain’t free it’s not for me baby. LOL
4. Stop obsessing about wearing “matching underwear”. If something happens to you and they have to cut your clothes off and your bra is black but your underwear is more close to grey than faded. But you swear you’ve only worn it a few times and it must be the material that cannot take the rigors of the washing machine – And you make a mental note to yourself: Hand-wash all undergarments. But you’ll stop stressing because obviously the person cutting your clothes off is trying to save your life. You make another mental note to yourself: Stop watching the ER Trauma shows.
5. Don’t refer to your vagina as anything else but vagina. No… “Pam” isn’t ok and neither is “Lady-part”. And I’m not translating “Pam” for anybody because it’s totally ridiculous. How-Ev-Ver… Referring to a friend of the vagina as King Kong… Totally ok
6. Find a way to get over your Jewish-guilt… Your son likes rum-and-raisin ice-cream. Plus you’re not even Jewish.
7. If you have kids and you’re considering the Ramen Noodle family diet plan so you can afford the leopard print dress, pumps and clutch combo … Wait! I’m thinking here. Ok… Are you kidding me! Don’t do it! How could you even think… Errr… What’s wrong with you! How-Ev-Ver… If you’rrrreee on your owwwwnnn…
8. In the event you bump into your man’s ex – And I mean literally bump into. It’s ok to pretend you don’t know her. Even though you’ve looked her up on Facebook and you know what she does for a living and what she’s had for breakfast that morning. And… OMG…! That pic…! I’ve seen better mug-shots.
9. While I’m on the topic of exes… DO NOT EVER… EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER… Call the ex – Unless you’ve had some stupid-juice – In which case that explains everything.
SIDE NOTE: For the nosy inquisitive ones who didn’t stop reading when I said to stop. Me nah sen yuh pan Facebook fuh do nun investigation. (Translation: Leave people business alone). I’m just saying… I don’t think you should do this.
10. And while I’m on the topic of Facebook; don’t pass someone on the street – Look them in the eye – Don’t say hello even after they give you a “Save APUA Kilowatt fuh bang darg” smile – Then go home and send them a Facebook friend request. Outta ardar! (Translation: Really and truly there’s none… But “Out of order” comes close). SIDE NOTE: I think all the Facebookers in the Caribbean should get together and petition FB for another update. This would be a button next to the “Accept Friend Request” button only this button would say “Kip Dat!”. (Translation: Can’t translate this one either but “Not Interested” comes close). Wouldn’t it be cool if it had audio too?
11. Find a way to eat fewer things that previously had a face.
And finally…
12. Never stop advocating for better education for your child/ren. Or for anything you’re passionate about – With the exception of stealing women’s underwear. That’s still a crime.
Seriously though… My advocacy platform is Special Needs Education so I can tell you that you’ll come across many folks who will give you too many reasons of why they can’t help your child – And you’ll come across many people who are nice (I need a word other than nice) and understanding but still can’t help. I know that the system in which they work has severe limitations that they are also frustrated by. You see, the folks on the front-line are often the ones that have to tell parents that they cannot provide the services or care that your child needs. And honestly, I don’t think many of them are happy with that role or the implications for the child.
I also know that there are many parents who are uncomfortable with being assertive, afraid of confrontation (especially when people are being nice) – You say you’re shy or you feel afraid to stand up for your child because you assume others know more than you do. But I’m here to tell you that even if it goes against every bone in your body you have to stand-up for your child. You will have to insist – Which I’m not saying is easy, but you will have to do it. And I hope that the educators, administrators or anyone for that matter, know, that by speaking up for your child, you are not in any way attacking them personally and that it should not create a negative relationship between them and your child (or even you). I’m not trying to make excuses for anyone or saying that parents should be rude or unkind – But when parents come to talk it’s with good intentions with a healthy dose of frustration. At the end of the day, as parents there’s only one position we can take in this situation. And that is to stand-up for our kid’s rights.
And everybody say… AMEN!
I wish you guys all the best for the New Year; whatever “best” means to you.
SIDE NOTE: Dear Lord I hope it doesn’t mean killing, robbing or stealing.
I know I don’t usually have photos but I thought this post warranted one. This should sum it up well.
Your Dirty Little Secret
Posted by: momtuition on: December 23, 2011
- In: feeling | Filthy Mind | Nuts & Bolts | Say What! | Thinking OUT LOUD | Uncategorized
- 2 Comments
It has been a while I know… I did I promise at some point that I was going to post every week. But if I did everything I said I was going to do then what would I do when it came time to make New Year’s resolutions? Have you ever thought of that? So now, one of my goals for next year is to post at least once per week.
So… What has happened since the last time?
I realized that Momtuition has a lot more readers than I thought . Met one recently while at the bank. SIDE NOTE: I wonder what perks come with having a bank employee as a fan of your blog? All I need is to be able to jump the line especially when they are long and out of 6 Tellers 4 have signs up saying “CLOSED”.
So it’s my turn… I go to the teller… Looks like she’s new. Don’t remember seeing her before. Yes; I can be nosy observant too.
Anyway, I go up to the window and slide my slip under the glass. She looks up and says…
Teller: So you’re Salma Crump
Slight pause (only a few long seconds)… Nothing. Now this should be against the law. When you say something like that – “So you’re…” It should be law that you have to follow it up with something… Anything.
Me (smiling): Yes. SIDE NOTE: I should have corrected her right? Let her know I’m “The Salma Crump”. Get it right! LOL
Me: Where do you know me from?
SIDE NOTE: I’m almost 100percent sure of what she’s going to say then she says…
Teller: I read your blog
The smile on my face is big enough for ten thousand tourists! (You see)
Me: Really? Oh nice! Thanks. Where did you hear about it?
Teller: I think it was on Facebook. Someone posted the link.
SIDE NOTE: Turns out it’s a fellow blogger over at Motives & Thoughts
Me: What’s your name?
Teller: Yada, Yada, Yada…
SIDE NOTE: Mine yah bizniz! (Translation: Mind your own business). Ok… My apologies; I shouldn’t have told you to mind your own business. After all it’s my business (I think… Is it the Teller’s business too?) and I’m choosing to tell you. And don’t you just hate that – When someone tells you… “I want to tell you something but I can’t use names.” Well keep it to your damn self then. Probably shouldn’t be telling me in the first place. Anyway, I’m still not going to tell you but aren’t you happy we got that out in the open? LOL
Back to the convo…
Me: I’ve never seen a comment with that name?
Teller (smiling): I’ve never commented. I just go and read the posts.
Me: Ok. You should comment though
Teller (smiling… Ten thousand more tourists): No… I don’t like to be out there. I don’t even use my real name online.
Me: Wow! Ok… You can comment under any name
Teller: I like how you write
Me: Thank you
At this point we can be backup power supply for APUA when they shed-a-load-of-shit on us. I got that wrong didn’t I? But you get the picture. There were smiles all around
Teller: I think you’re funny
Me: Is that good or bad?
Teller (laughing): That’s good
Me: Ok
Teller: I like to think of it as my escape (I think she said from the real world)
Me thinking… These are compliments, right
Me: Wait… You’re complimenting me right?
SIDE NOTE: I guess I actually said what I was thinking. For whatever reason my internal muzzle doesn’t always work.
Then she says…
Teller (smiling/laughing): It’s my dirty little secret
Me (thinking): FINALLY! She compliments my work! OMG, someone give this girl a bottle of my latest fragrance, a copy of my third autobiography, something with my face or name on it! Oh wait a minute… I don’t have any of those things do I…
Instead I said…
Me: Wow! That’s a compliment, right?
Teller: Of course!
Me: Your compliments are something else.
Meanwhile I’m skipping in my mind. I can do back-flips too but I’m saving that for when I win the lottery
So… To my number one fan (don’t be jealous guys – you have to admit that’s a deserving spot) thanks for your kind compliments. I look forward to seeing your comments… Your real self or the fake one
Momtuition… Your dirty little secret.
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How Not To Do It in Leopard Print Shoes
Posted by: momtuition on: November 25, 2011
So I’m here lying in my bed in painful state. Why…
Fell and busted my R@R$E… Prappa! (Translation: Fell down… Flat on my stomach)
Some background…
I’m in a hurry to leave the office. I was invited by a lecturer at the Teacher Training College to come and talk to her students about Speducation (remember, this is short for Special Needs Education). I have to tell you that that day I was wearing some “HOT” (had to check with Kuba, the animal expert in the house) leopard print shoes – My mom bought them for me.
Anyway I usually wear a pair of slippers into the office because I realized all my shoes were being ruined by driving in them – So I put them on when I get in the office. So I’m in a hurry to get out of the office to go do this presentation. I’ll tell you more about what I spoke about later.
And you know… I don’t want to forget my fabulous shoes. So instead of putting on my slippers and taking my heels in my hand like I usually do… What do I do? I rush out of the office in my heels. Again… Brand new heels – I swear these shoes are like sex on heels. Sorry, Charlton would not approve of that comment. These shoes are like a business meeting where everyone gets a raise. OMG! I swear this is not intentional. The words just keep coming out (LMAO). Ok… These shoes are like the feeling you would get if the gov’t removed income tax and the price of a big can of Hereford Corned Beef went back to $6. Went grocery shopping the other day and I swear I saw it on the shelf for more than ten bucks. BEEF… It’s what’s for dinner! LOL – Did I get that right? Is that what the commercial says?
You know it’s hard for me to stay on topic so please excuse me.
So, I’m rushing out of the office in my “you know what” and… I’m stepping… I’m walking… I’m waving, saying “hi, we need to talk. I’ll stop by your office when I get back.” The coast is clear now. I’m walking, I’m walking. I see a nurse parking her car, another man sitting in a truck waiting for someone and there’s a chef from the hospital café on the opposite side of me. I’m going down the steps…
My foot hits the first one I think; I don’t even remember. All I know is… I’m going down and I can’t stop myself. There’s no fricking thing to hold on to. And out of the 3 folks I told you about, no one was close enough to stop me. Or could it be that they watched me go down in shock? I think I’m screaming at this point; haven’t hit the ground yet – But the scream is coming out like a dignified fart. You know that fart where you’re invited to church and the usher at the door force you to sit in the front and you end up in a pew with the regulars? Then all of a sudden you want to fart. You’ve been trying to coax it out since in the car, while walking to the entrance… And noooo… It stays put. Then you’re sitting in a pew with folks who don’t miss a beat, the damn place is quiet and… Here comes the fart like a raging bull. So you’re trying to hold it in but you can’t stop it. It just keeps busting out your butt in bursts. So it’s going up your back, up your crotch. I tell you… Sometimes the force is so much it feels like it wants to lift you off your seat. You know what I’m talking about (LOL).
So I’m screaming and not a fricking sound. And, for the first few seconds all I’m thinking about is the damn shoes. I know, I feel so ashamed.
SPLAT! I’m flat on my stomach! Thank God for big voluptuous breasts. I didn’t break Adam’s rib.
The chef I told you about is by my side. OMG! I was right. She did watch me go down (in shock).
Chef: Oh my! Are you ok?
Me: I think so
(I think so my ass. I’m in pain… My leg is hurting me)
Chef: Let me help you up
Me: (I notice my shoes… Not good) My shoes!
Chef: Don’t worry about your shoes. It’s just a little bruise
Man in truck: Wait… Wha jus happen? (translation: What just happened) You ok Miss? Wait… The two of you related?
(He’s talking about me and the chef)
Chef: Tap mine people business
(Translation: Mind your own business)
Man in truck: Well me haffu ask because you fall dung de same way just the other day and now you jus happen fu yah when dis yah happen
(Translation: You had a similar fall recently and now you’re here witnessing this Oscar performance – LOL)
Meanwhile I’m thinking…
Man… The swan just took a dive and it wasn’t stellar. So I really can’t be laughing at this point. By the way I’m on my feet now and every muscle from my chest down hurts… Yes; every muscle. Did I mention that night would have been date-night? It just gets worse.
I’m hobbling to my car. Going to be late for this presentation – But I’m going to go even if it kills me.
I call Charlton on my way there…
Me: I just fell down
Charlton: What do you mean you just fell down? Where?
Me: At work. I was going to my car
Charlton: You ok?
Me: I don’t know. I think so. My leg hurts and I ruined my shoes. (I know… I’m sorry. The shoes are HOT)
Charlton: Where are you now?
Me: On my way to go do the presentation I told you about
And now comes the million dollar question…
Charlton: Are we still going to be able to go out tonight
SIDE NOTE: Remember I told you that night was a date-night – And a date-night is usually wrapped up with a frank discussion at a business meeting where all areas are touched so that everyone feels satisfied. WOW! I think I just outdid myself with that one
Anyway the call dropped so we never got to finish the conversation.
I did say I was going to tell you about the presentation I did; right?
I was asked to talk to the students on the topic of speducation from a parent’s perspective. Didn’t want to go and talk about all the problems and how difficult it has been – Because at the end of the day they’ll empathize but really can’t relate on any deep level. I figured… I’m going to focus on something that they can take back to the classroom, discuss with their principals, other colleagues and most importantly give some simple tips that they could use in the classroom now. And highlight some things that they may already be doing and not even be aware of. So I talked about making Accommodations and Modifications (and what they are) – Which are different but sometimes often confused or thought to be the same.
Accommodations offer alternative ways for students to acquire information or share what they have learned with the teacher. They do not lower the difficulty level nor expectations for the student’s achievement, although there may be changes in teaching materials used, testing materials, or even in the instructional environment. As a matter of fact educators often make accommodations for individual students informally as they teach, but children with special needs may require more formally documenting the need for specific accommodation through an IEP (Individual Education Plan). This is so that it remains consistent across the board and it’s not left up to someone’s discretion.
Sometimes you have educators and even other parents thinking that making accommodations gives an unfair advantage to the student who the accommodation is being made for. But that’s absolutely not the case.
Modifications however are more intensive changes to the difficulty level and/or the quantity of material to be learned. Modifications also may, in fact, change the way material is presented and the nature of testing. Modifications create a different standard for children whose disabilities require more intense adjustments. Modifications should also be included in the students IEP.
For more info on the subject, take a look at this interview of Dr. Crawford who is a member of the Professional Advisory Board at the National Center for Learning Disabilities.
So the presentation is over – Actually it was more of a discussion – And it went very well!
I call my mom…
Me: Mom I fell today
Mom: Did you break your heel? (Ahhh… A woman after my own heart)
Me: Not really but the front of one of them is ruined. They’re not the same
And the laughter begins… She can’t contain herself
Mom: Where did it happen?
Me: At work on the way to my car
Mom: Anybody see you?
Me: Mom! Those are not the questions you’re supposed to be asking me
Mom: But I’m just saying… (She can barely talk now from the laughing) were a lot of people around?
Me: You don’t think you should ask me how I’m doing.
Mom: How did you fall? On your bottom (She’s laughing for about ten people now)
Me: (At this point now laughing out loud too) – I’m going down the step one minute and next minute me flat pan ma gut (Translation: Fell flat on my stomach)
And so it goes… We were laughing so hard as I recounted the story of my fall from grace in my leopard print shoes
Laughter… The best medicine!
Leave It to Kuba
Posted by: momtuition on: November 12, 2011
The search is over! The search is over! The search is over!
Finally we’ve found someone! If I have to spell it out then; “Don’t come back here!” Totally kidding
So you know we’ve been looking for a home-school teacher from Kuba and… “We’ve finally found her!” I’m so relieved you have no idea. Please pray for us that it works out. I have a good gut-feeling that it will though. She starts on Monday.
In case you’re wondering if this will stop the work I’ve been doing lobbying for more to be done with regards to Special Needs Education in Antigua & Barbuda. NEVER! It’s too much a part of me now. As you know I along with some other parents started the lobby group ABILITY and we’ve been doing a lot of work creating awareness of how important it is for the system to change – Actually to have a total revamp of the educational system as it relates to Special Needs. But we still need your support.
Onto to other stuff that happened…
Looks like I’ll have to put the Fire Dept. on speed dial.
So… Kuba is playing chef and I’m relaxing in the bed. SIDE NOTE: I’m now thinking that he may become a chef. Before I was thinking a rock star – Or maybe he’ll be a rock star chef (get it, LOL). You know; so he’ll tour with his band in the summer and tape his hit Food Network show in the fall. And he’ll get invited to all the Food Network galas – And he’ll invite his parents but Charlton won’t go because he can be antisocial sometimes (OMG he’s going to kill me for that comment – But remember, look in the freezer. I will be in a Ziploc bag disguised as pork). You never know, he may have gotten some ideas here.
Anyway back to Kuba (the rock star chef) getting invited to the Food Network galas and I’m going as his date because he doesn’t have a serious girlfriend and he wants to share this special moment with his mom because he doesn’t have a serious girlfriend and I’ve been so instrumental in him becoming a rock star chef with you know; my encouragement and support. And SHUT UP! I don’t care what you’re thinking right now. Just let me enjoy my side note:). But can you imagine! I get to rub shoulders with all those hottie-tottie male chefs. AWWWSOME!
Actually Kuba will sometimes ask to watch Food Network or Cooking Channel.
I was telling you something right?
So Fire Department… Speed Dial… Yes…
So I’m lying in my bed and he’s bringing me all these make-believe dishes. Then I don’t see him coming for a while and I don’t hear anything for a while. The I hear… Beeeep! In case you’re wondering what that was –It’s the microwave just finishing. Kuba and are home alone; so unless there’s a ghost who loves to cook…
I get up quickly just in time to see him on the counter top, plate in hand and trying to close the microwave door. I shout… “Kuba! What are you doing? ”SIDE NOTE: Why do we do that? I know what he’s doing or actually what he’s done. He knows it too.
He turns around, looks at me with a frown on his face and says…
Kuba: What the heck is going on here? (As if he was the one that caught me red-handed).
SIDE NOTE: You see, the thing is he knows that what he said is appropriate for someone to say in the situation – And based on how the phrase (What the heck is going on here?) was learned he’s anticipating it being said – He doesn’t fully understand that he shouldn’t be the one saying it – But instead of waiting for that to happen he says it. By the way he must have picked up that “heck” thing on TV because we never say that. But I’m about to use it now…
Me: You tell me what the heck is going on here! You know you’re not supposed to use the microwave. That’s dangerous! Ask somebody!
Kuba: Ask somebody!
SIDE NOTE: Remember me telling you about something called echolalia? It’s pretty much when he repeats something that was said to him instead of responding to the question. He’s gotten alot better with this but it’s still there.
Me: Arrrggghhh
Kuba: Mom, look… Fries, ketchup and ham-and-burger! (He doesn’t say hamburger. He says ham-and-burger)
Me: Kuba! (I now see what’s actually in the plate) This is dangerous. This could start a fire
Kuba: Oh no! A fire!
Ladies and gentlemen… I’m sure you would like to know about the state of affairs with the fries, ketchup and hamburger?
Well…
The fries… Yellow clothes pins
The ketchup… Red clothes pins
And… Wait for it…
The burger… Fake plastic bread from a kitchen set we bought him a few years ago. And the meat is wooden alphabet blocks. The paint off the blocks started melting so they’re now stuck together.
Kuba: Hey mom. Help me please (He’s now trying to get down off the counter-top and obviously don’t want to spill his fries, ketchup and ham-and-burger)
Now tell me…
Like this:
What We Did Last…No not summer – Just Last Week
Posted by: momtuition on: October 30, 2011
I don’t stop to enjoy “what is” often enough. So on Wednesday this week Kuba and I wrapped up early and went to the beach (he’d been asking to go since the day before) to let it all hang out. No, we’re not naked! I hope you weren’t picturing Kuba… You perv! But if you’re picturing me… Thanks … I think.
Earlier in the day we did:
Art: Mostly coloring. For the past few weeks he’s insisted on drawing Garfield and the things Garfield eats. By the way if I haven’t mentioned this a hundred times before; Garfield is one of his favorite cartoon. During coloring he got up to go spell the things he was coloring on the fridge. I didn’t ask him to do this but it’s such a part of how we teach him that it becomes natural. If he draws Garfield he has to spell it and the lasagna, the hotdog, the donut, the pizza – By the way Garfield eats just about everything – He has to spell them.
There was some time spent doing some Math as well. Our focus for the past couple of weeks has been subtraction. I’m trying to be creative but I’m not sure how creative you can get with an abacus. He’s just beginning to get the concept of “zero”. The other day he figured out a problem to which the answer was zero and he said to me; “Mom… nothing, zero, squat, nada!” Guess who he picked that up from? It was unintentional but it stuck. I hope the tutor we get has a sense of humor.
We also made some Rice Krispies Treats. I’m sure you’re wondering what that has to do with learning. But he had to get the ingredients, read the recipe and says what goes in first, then next etc. Then I got a chance to ask him questions (we’re working on his comprehension skills). Also not sure what one has to do with the other but Kuba’s been asking about going trick or treating for about 2 weeks now and singing some strange Halloween song. Last year he went (not in our neighborhood) and he loved it. So I told Charlton that I’m thinking about approaching the neighbors about organizing a trick or treat day in the area. And so it goes…
Me: Have you heard Kuba asking about trick or treat for the longest time now?
Charlton: Yeah. Who did he hear talking about that?
Me: I don’t know. He’s probably seeing the commercials on TV. I’m thinking about going around to the neighbors to talk to them about organizing one.
Charlton: What?
Me: Maybe we can organize something in the area
Charlton: What?
Me (thinking): If you ask me what again you’re not going to like my answer
Charlton: Isn’t that when kids go from house to house begging candy?
Me: Begging. They go from house to house with an adult and they’re given candy – They’re not begging
Charlton: I don’t care what you say – It’s begging
Me: Chups (Translation: Whatever)
Charlton: You don’t have nothing else to do? How you come up with these things? Please don’t go and tell anybody about no trick or treat please
Me: What’s wrong with that?
Charlton: It’s not our culture and you’re putting people in expense
Me (being all “heady”): Partaking in someone else’s culture doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten yours
Charlton: Oh lord! Ease off of those vibes (Translation: Don’t do this)
Me: What expense are you talking about by the way? It’s just candy
Charlton: Mek people luan (Translation: Leave people alone)
Me (thinking): I’m still going to do it. Only because this is community-spirit at its best and I want to be ready when he realizes this. I swear… That’s the only reason. I’m doing it for him!
Other stuff that happened…
Kuba initiated a game of hide-and-seek with his cousin Destinee. Out of nowhere he says to her, “Destinee let’s play hide-and-seek.” She agrees. Of course like any other kid he wants to hide first So she goes in the bathroom to count and he goes under the bed. Destinee is in the bathroom counting loudly and he hears her and joins in. She comes into the bedroom and Kuba is under the bed saying, “Playing hide-and-seek, playing hide-and-seek” over and over again. If she didn’t know where he was she sure does now. Destinee looks under the bed and he shouts, “You found me!” Like… News flash; you were practically calling her name. You see, Kuba has come such a long way with therapy but I’ve never seen him initiate play like this. No one prompted him; the game wasn’t being played by any other kids. It was just all on his own steam.
Momma is sooooo HAPPY! I just wanted to say “Do it again!” ‘Do it again!”
Kuba also told his first joke (with little prompting). He got it from this YouTube video:
I’ve since banned him from these videos – He’s found so many of them and I’ve done some research and some are not kid-friendly and the Parental Controls on his laptop are not picking them up. Anyway the joke is:
What did the orange say to the tomato?
Hey Tomato
Good to see you
I was hoping we could… Catch-up (Ketchup)
And the laughter that follows… His own being the loudest – As a matter of fact he can barely contain himself while telling you. And his laugh is so infectious that you find yourself laughing without hearing the full joke. SIDE NOTE: I think he gets that from me .
So… That’s a bit of what we did last week. If I tell you anymore I will have to kill you.
By the way; I’m looking for some ideas of places we can take Kuba on field-trips. Anyone…?
Other people talking (aka Comments) - That does happen sometimes