momtuition

Let’s Talk About Sex

Posted on: February 21, 2011

At Kuba’s school the parents with kids who are a part of the special needs program formed a support group. So, the other day I was at a meeting and a parent was talking about being clueless about what she’s going to do when her daughter starts menstruating. Thankfully there were 2 other parents there who’ve been through it and were able to give her some good advice.

On my way home that night I started thinking about sex. Not the Cinemax variety but… I’m now wondering… What are we going to say to Kuba about sex? And better yet, when are we going to say it?

About 2 or so years ago Kuba began grinding on everything… My leg, the couch, his stuffed animals; just everything – And the behavior didn’t appear to be precipitated by anything in particular. At least nothing I could figure out at the time… Still can’t. Obviously he was being aroused and was just grinding on anything closest to him.

It was so frustrating (embarrassing) to deal with. I was at a loss as to how to go about talking to him about sex. What is ironic is that at the same time a close friend of mine was having some of the same anxiety with her “typical” daughter and I was giving her advice – And here I was with absolutely no clue of what to say/do with my own child. First of all the last thing I wanted was to make him think that it was bad to have those feelings. I just wanted him to know that it was inappropriate to start humping my leg in the checkout line at the supermarket 🙂 I can laugh about it now but it was torture back then. Charlton didn’t handle it well at all. I guess not knowing what to do got the best of us. So after weeks of saying “stop” or don’t do that” when it happens or distracting him with something – One day I said… “Kuba, that’s inappropriate.” After I said it I thought… Will he know what inappropriate means. My mom used to always tell me… “Stop using all those big words with the child”. “Talk simple… Can you talk simple?”

But it worked… Everybody stuck to the same script and after a few weeks the behavior disappeared just as it had begun. So much so that now he corrects himself with certain behaviors. I also took that opportunity to start talking about private parts/private touch etc. – But there’s still work to be done in that area. We were so relieved when that behavior disappeared that honestly we didn’t pay as much attention to “sex” anymore.

So, it’s a few years on and I think it’s time we have the “sex talk” with him. In a way that’s appropriate for him of course but it’s time… I think. I know he still gets aroused but these days he’s in his room or somewhere else private and that’s ok with me – I give him time to “take care of business”. SIDE NOTE: I’m probably one of those people who think if you don’t you’re more likely to go blind than if you do – LOL.

I’ve been told by one person so far to… “Leave it alone – Wait until he’s a little older”. But alas, if penises grew at the same rate as the brain of the owner then there would be many disappointed women walking around 🙂 SIDE NOTE: Ok, that was a very low-blow to the men. Sorry guys.

Anyway he’s 8 going on 9 and very soon puberty will be “coming-a-knocking” and we need to have a game plan. I don’t want to wait until then – “Then” will be a different talk. A part of me wants to leave this “talk” to Charlton but admittedly I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to certain things it would be an internal struggle to stay out of it.

So… What do you think? Can you help? What have (you done)/are doing with your kids?

P.S. I must must tell you about a dream… Actually more like a nightmare I had about Kuba, condoms and a call from the school principal. I need to make sense of it first though. Kuba, condoms and a call from “Mary” should never come in the same sentence… Should it? But you know I have to blame it on something right? I blame it on bread – or should I say the lack thereof. I was recently told that I need to lose about 40lbs. so I’ve cut bread out of my diet – And as everyone knows… Not eating bread is a sin and it causes you to lose your mind in your sleep 🙂

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3 Responses to "Let’s Talk About Sex"

Salma darling, this is quite interesting. I actually read it twice. You already know what some of my fears are where my daughter Nickeetah is concerned. I do so DREAD that day. Thanks to Carolyn and Alexia’s mom i am able to try and be positive about that phase of her life.

The onset of puberty is visible and i watch her explore her body rather often enough. She is quite aware of her breast that are now coming, and she’s had pubic hairs for quite some time now. She still walks around the house naked ( am at fault for that I do the same at times) but there are moments when swhe will peep out of the bathroom asking me, “mommy, anybody there? cause i doh want nobody seeing me naked, i forget my towel in the bedroom”

I have two older girls and trust me it was alot easier. They were exposed and understood from an early age of their sexuality and what to expect during puberty. I am not one who is afraid of speaking to them, but with Nickeetah i just don’t know how, or what approach to take. My Eldest daughter at 8 asked me, “mommy is sex enjoyable? I was shocked out of my wits one Sunday night while Ironing. I tried to explain the biblical way…….i hope she understood then. She was a very curious little girl.

I have absolutely no advice to give you. To tell the truth I don’t even want to think about that conversation at all. The only good thing about kids is that they ask very blunt question so you can just give blunt answers for now. After invading my privacy one day Jordan and I had a blunt conversation about menstration at the end of which she said “gross” and she is never going to do that ever. I guess we’ll have to talk later. Thank God I have a few more years to go… I hope..lol

ROTFLMAO….LOLOLOL!… You need help. LOL…..(2 minute pause to catch myself.)
Ok…This is a very difficult subject to tackle. PERIOD. I have not had this conversation with Gen, but I will have to in a hot minute. She told me recently that a little boy in her class told her that he loves her. I have since put a mark on him. (jus kiddin’, well not really..). They are 7 and 8 years old, and I am trying to remember if I had this issue when I was that age. Xion is fascinated with his penis and vaginas. His thing now, is lifting my dress or his sister’s dress and saying gina..lol. Talk about inappropriate. He lifted my dress in a supermarket line once.OMG. This is why I prefer pants. I have noticed humping from both of them, but nothing to make me raise my eyebrows. Let me know when you have the talk. I will as you what you said then reapeat everythingyou say word for word.lol..:-D

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