momtuition

How Not To Do It in Leopard Print Shoes

Posted on: November 25, 2011

So I’m here lying in my bed in painful state. Why…

Fell and busted my R@R$E… Prappa! (Translation: Fell down… Flat on my stomach)

Some background…

I’m in a hurry to leave the office. I was invited by a lecturer at the Teacher Training College to come and talk to her students about Speducation (remember, this is short for Special Needs Education). I have to tell you that that day I was wearing some “HOT” (had to check with Kuba, the animal expert in the house) leopard print shoes – My mom bought them for me.

Anyway I usually wear a pair of slippers into the office because I realized all my shoes were being ruined by driving in them – So I put them on when I get in the office. So I’m in a hurry to get out of the office to go do this presentation. I’ll tell you more about what I spoke about later.

And you know… I don’t want to forget my fabulous shoes. So instead of putting on my slippers and taking my heels in my hand like I usually do… What do I do? I rush out of the office in my heels. Again… Brand new heels – I swear these shoes are like sex on heels. Sorry, Charlton would not approve of that comment. These shoes are like a business meeting where everyone gets a raise. OMG! I swear this is not intentional. The words just keep coming out (LMAO). Ok… These shoes are like the feeling you would get if the gov’t removed income tax and the price of a big can of Hereford Corned Beef went back to $6. Went grocery shopping the other day and I swear I saw it on the shelf for more than ten bucks. BEEF… It’s what’s for dinner! LOL – Did I get that right? Is that what the commercial says?

You know it’s hard for me to stay on topic so please excuse me.

So, I’m rushing out of the office in my “you know what” and… I’m stepping… I’m walking… I’m waving, saying “hi, we need to talk. I’ll stop by your office when I get back.” The coast is clear now. I’m walking, I’m walking. I see a nurse parking her car, another man sitting in a truck waiting for someone and there’s a chef from the hospital café on the opposite side of me. I’m going down the steps…

My foot hits the first one I think; I don’t even remember. All I know is… I’m going down and I can’t stop myself. There’s no fricking thing to hold on to. And out of the 3 folks I told you about, no one was close enough to stop me. Or could it be that they watched me go down in shock? I think I’m screaming at this point; haven’t hit the ground yet – But the scream is coming out like a dignified fart. You know that fart where you’re invited to church and the usher at the door force you to sit in the front and you end up in a pew with the regulars? Then all of a sudden you want to fart. You’ve been trying to coax it out since in the car, while walking to the entrance… And noooo… It stays put. Then you’re sitting in a pew with folks who don’t miss a beat, the damn place is quiet and… Here comes the fart like a raging bull. So you’re trying to hold it in but you can’t stop it. It just keeps busting out your butt in bursts. So it’s going up your back, up your crotch. I tell you… Sometimes the force is so much it feels like it wants to lift you off your seat. You know what I’m talking about (LOL).

So I’m screaming and not a fricking sound. And, for the first few seconds all I’m thinking about is the damn shoes. I know, I feel so ashamed.

SPLAT! I’m flat on my stomach! Thank God for big voluptuous breasts. I didn’t break Adam’s rib.

The chef I told you about is by my side. OMG! I was right. She did watch me go down (in shock).

Chef: Oh my! Are you ok?

Me: I think so

(I think so my ass. I’m in pain… My leg is hurting me)

Chef: Let me help you up

Me: (I notice my shoes… Not good) My shoes!

Chef: Don’t worry about your shoes. It’s just a little bruise

Man in truck: Wait… Wha jus happen? (translation: What just happened) You ok Miss? Wait… The two of you related?

(He’s talking about me and the chef)

Chef: Tap mine people business

(Translation: Mind your own business)

Man in truck: Well me haffu ask because you fall dung de same way just the other day and now you jus happen fu yah when dis yah happen

(Translation: You had a similar fall recently and now you’re here witnessing this Oscar performance – LOL)

Meanwhile I’m thinking…

Man… The swan just took a dive and it wasn’t stellar. So I really can’t be laughing at this point. By the way I’m on my feet now and every muscle from my chest down hurts… Yes; every muscle. Did I mention that night would have been date-night? It just gets worse.

I’m hobbling to my car. Going to be late for this presentation – But I’m going to go even if it kills me.

I call Charlton on my way there…

Me: I just fell down

Charlton: What do you mean you just fell down? Where?

Me: At work. I was going to my car

Charlton: You ok?

Me: I don’t know. I think so. My leg hurts and I ruined my shoes. (I know… I’m sorry. The shoes are HOT)

Charlton: Where are you now?

Me: On my way to go do the presentation I told you about

And now comes the million dollar question…

Charlton: Are we still going to be able to go out tonight

SIDE NOTE: Remember I told you that night was a date-night – And a date-night is usually wrapped up with a frank discussion at a business meeting where all areas are touched so that everyone feels satisfied. WOW! I think I just outdid myself with that one 🙂

Anyway the call dropped so we never got to finish the conversation.

I did say I was going to tell you about the presentation I did; right?

I was asked to talk to the students on the topic of speducation from a parent’s perspective. Didn’t want to go and talk about all the problems and how difficult it has been – Because at the end of the day they’ll empathize but really can’t relate on any deep level. I figured… I’m going to focus on something that they can take back to the classroom, discuss with their principals, other colleagues and most importantly give some simple tips that they could use in the classroom now. And highlight some things that they may already be doing and not even be aware of. So I talked about making Accommodations and Modifications (and what they are) – Which are different but sometimes often confused or thought to be the same.

Accommodations offer alternative ways for students to acquire information or share what they have learned with the teacher. They do not lower the difficulty level nor expectations for the student’s achievement, although there may be changes in teaching materials used, testing materials, or even in the instructional environment. As a matter of fact educators often make accommodations for individual students informally as they teach, but children with special needs may require more formally documenting the need for specific accommodation through an IEP (Individual Education Plan). This is so that it remains consistent across the board and it’s not left up to someone’s discretion.

Sometimes you have educators and even other parents thinking that making accommodations gives an unfair advantage to the student who the accommodation is being made for. But that’s absolutely not the case.

Modifications however are more intensive changes to the difficulty level and/or the quantity of material to be learned. Modifications also may, in fact, change the way material is presented and the nature of testing. Modifications create a different standard for children whose disabilities require more intense adjustments. Modifications should also be included in the students IEP.

For more info on the subject, take a look at this interview of Dr. Crawford who is a member of the Professional Advisory Board at the National Center for Learning Disabilities.

So the presentation is over – Actually it was more of a discussion – And it went very well!

I call my mom…

Me: Mom I fell today

Mom: Did you break your heel? (Ahhh… A woman after my own heart)

Me: Not really but the front of one of them is ruined. They’re not the same

And the laughter begins… She can’t contain herself

Mom: Where did it happen?

Me: At work on the way to my car

Mom: Anybody see you?

Me: Mom! Those are not the questions you’re supposed to be asking me

Mom: But I’m just saying… (She can barely talk now from the laughing) were a lot of people around?

Me: You don’t think you should ask me how I’m doing.

Mom: How did you fall? On your bottom (She’s laughing for about ten people now)

Me: (At this point now laughing out loud too) –  I’m going down the step one minute and next minute me flat pan ma gut (Translation: Fell flat on my stomach)

And so it goes… We were laughing so hard as I recounted the story of my fall from grace in my leopard print shoes 🙂

Laughter… The best medicine!

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4 Responses to "How Not To Do It in Leopard Print Shoes"

Girl, thank you for that. It”s 1:26am right now and Michael thinks I’ve lost my mind, I’m laughing so hard. You need to post a picture of the shoes. That conversation with mom sounds so familiar… I miss you guys.

Salma girl…you had me rolling and I know just how you feel about them shoes. Love reading your posts and I agree with Leslie-ann you gotta turn these into a book.

Can’t wait for the next one.

I’m so happy you guys get it with the shoes. Charlton finds the entire thing so funny too. The other day he wanted me to take him to the area where it happened to reenact the fall. Tell me what is wrong with these people that I know… Huh? Says he can’t understand how the hell I fell on my gut (stomach) and not my ass. Apparently I don’t know how to fall 🙂

Salma…….rofl! Girl you are killing me here. I must agree that I read all you post but this one is by far the best ……you left nothing to the imagination. You may need to consider putting them in a book after awhile you could sure make some money girl…..keep them coming!

The best medicine indeed!

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