momtuition

You Don’t Know Me!

Posted on: April 23, 2012

I’m a tigress in the bedroom, celeb chef in the kitchen and blah, blah, blah – You know the rest. All that wrapped up into one… Then I wake up and it’s Kuba’s dad telling me about a dream he had. (LOL)

Anyway, all kidding aside; I’m finding that many people think that we’re supposed to be some type of supermom or something like it, whatever that is. Or we can’t be happy because of our circumstances. Or we’re some type of saint because we’re raising kids with special needs. Or just simply that there must be some type of joy that is missing from our lives because of our kids.

I can only talk from experience (Really! – LOL) but sometimes I think the world perceives parents (actually moms, dads don’t usually get this – Think I just had another Aha Moment) of special needs kids in a certain way. So I’m about to give some advice. Please stop! (I’ve learned that simple is better :))

You’re delusional if you think…

On top of what moms generally have to do, add special needs kid to the mix and you’ve got “SUPER mom”!

This is such a myth for any mom. The truth is this perfect supermom does not exist – And if they do I say we hunt them down and put them out of their misery. Because they MUST BE MISERABLE! Why you ask? They can’t do it all! None of us can! There have been times when I’ve left my office with Kuba in tow at eight o’clock at night. Where he had fries for dinner because that was the only thing our café had that he would eat. On the ride home I’m telling myself that he’ll live if he doesn’t take a bath – He’s asleep on the backseat. By the time we get home it’s almost 9PM and I’ve made my decision, he gets a “cowboy” – Don’t even pretend like you don’t know what that is (LOL). I try to read him a bedtime story to squelch my guilt but at some point I fall asleep only to wake with the book on my face still fully clothed. I get ready for bed feeling more like a slaughtered lamb a tigress would eat. This is hard! Something’s got to give and it won’t be me tonight. SIDE NOTE: Oops… Should have edited that last line from the paper version – And I’ve already gotten a “raised eyebrow” from some critics – Whose “business meetings” I’m beginning to believe must be ending to abruptly so they never get to do a wrap-up. LOL – Oh no… Ok… I’ll end here 🙂

We’re sad all the time.

First off; that would be too much therapy for one (our) household.  Secondly; who never gets sad? I would hate to be that person. If you’ve been following this series or my blog you will know that I’ve talked about my sadness and the unbearable grief I felt when Kuba was first diagnosed. These days those feelings are rare at best – And probably have more to do with me and my limitations than with him. Mostly, I’m a happy chick.

We’ve been elevated to sainthood.

You know, you’re doing all those other things moms do plus you’re raising a special needs kid.  You’re such a saint! Ladies and gentlemen…  In your sweet ignorance; that doesn’t make us feel any better. Actually I think it just puts more pressure on us to be/act perfect – And we don’t tell you when we’re feeling overloaded and a little “nut-so” because that’s our dirty little secret… And saints don’t have those.  Listen… We’re parents, we’re parents, we’re parents. These are our kids! We’re not being nice to them. We love them and would do anything thing for them like any other parent – But we make mistakes like all other parents do – And… Don’t call the cops but we sometimes yell at our kids. Now I’m not condoning or condemning any behavior and I pray that no parent ever hurts their kid and that there’s someone they can talk to before this ever happens – But, please; we’ll pass on the unsolicited but well-meaning flattery.

We don’t know joy.

To that I say… “No one knows joy like we know joy!” Well, yes, others know joy too – But you have to admit – That was a good line :). Seriously though, when our kids make progress, sometimes progress we ourselves doubted – The joy is indescribable! They type of joy that make you want to call everyone you know. (I’ve so been there and done that). Just absolute bliss, like many other parents have with their kids.

My advice…

Pray to God for guidance. Give your kids lots of hugs and kisses, “I love yous”, encourage them to go after their goals. Pray to God that it’s not a professional stuntman or a commercial fisherman. Have you ever watched an episode of “Deadliest Catch”? Trust me on this one. Seriously though; just try to be the best parent to your kids whatever best means to you and them.

The thing is I think one of life’s biggest myths is the idea that another person’s life is much easier or harder than our own. At the end of the day we all have things in our life that suck but who wants to dwell on that?

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April is Autism Awareness Month and this is the fourth of a five-part feature I will be writing each week which will focus on my experiences raising a child with Autism.Your feedback on each article in the series will determine what I write about for the next. If you have a story to share, any words of advice to add or questions to ask please do so by sending an email to: salma.crump@gmail.com or the editor at: editor@antiguaobserver.com

 

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4 Responses to "You Don’t Know Me!"

Girl, I always say: if there is ever a hidden camera in this house, they will put me in jail. Thank God kids know the difference between child abuse and Mommy is not in a good mood today.

And your still the “best” mom to them. I think we sometimes put too much pressure on each other to be “our” “best”. We forget that we’re all parenting different kids who love us for different reasons. Doesn’t make one way better than the other – It’s just different 🙂 RIGHT?

I’ll raise my coke to that. No, not that coke the other one….lol…

What you talkin bout Willis! LOL 🙂

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