Thank God This Was A Dream!

Posted on: June 28, 2012

A few to tell you about that is. Not the MLK variety but at least the ones I have to tell you about will…

  1. Not let you bring too much fish in your house until you and your man are on the same page because he may want to get his mother involved. If it’s pumpkin then cook soup for everybody – And send some for his mother too
  2. Remind you that laughter is the best medicine whether you’re asleep or awake
  3. Ease your fears about nightmares and let you know… It’s ok to let your man die in his dreams… Trust me. He’ll wake up; and more refreshed than you

So; a few weeks ago Charlton started having these strange dreams. If you knew him you would know… Well actually you don’t know him – Or you only know my version of him which is…

He’s the father of my first love child… That is Kuba by the way. SIDE NOTE: Yes… Yes… The child isn’t yours so you were on a need to know basis.

He adores me most days and tolerates me on the others

He’s attends every business meeting and usually thinks there’s room for more. More! More! More!

It appears as if I have to either lose a limb or die for him to cancel a date-night. Remember my embarrassing fall in my leopard print shoes – And what was his response when I told him about the death my “love child” (still talking about my shoes by the way); “Are we still going to be able to go out tonight?”

Ok, the dreams…Yeah, there were more than one – Some stranger than others.

A little background just so you know…

Charlton is a dream-man. Well, not the hella hella dream-man. Ok, I take that back.  Of course he’s hella hella… If you know what I mean… Business meeting mek de girls dem scream (translation: make the girls scream). More! More! More! Hmmm… I guess all of us want “more” at some point in our lives – LOL. Seriously though he was the one I would ask about the meaning behind my dreams.

Dream 1 

In this first dream he was seeing a lot of either fish or pumpkins. He couldn’t quite remember… Or so he says

Charlton: I dreamt last night about fish. Just a lot, a lot of fish.

Me: Really? What does that mean? SIDE NOTE: I know what it means – Or – at least what folks say it means. Anyways…

Charlton: I’m going to ask mommy

Me: How come you don’t know what dreaming about fish means all of a sudden?

Charlton: It was either fish or pumpkin?

Me (laughing): Yuh right (translation: You’re right (with some sarcasm); because pots are the only things that have anything to do with fish in this

Charlton (laughing): You have something to tell me?

Me (laughing): Me? You have something to tell me?

Me (thinking): Ah na book mek dis head yah (translation: it’s not the same head that made books that made my head.) I’m almost sure I lost you in that translation.


Dream 2

We’re deep in sleep…

The next thing I hear is someone laughing. Now I’m thinking I’m dreaming only to wake and see that it’s Charlton “a laugh cyarn dun” (translation: laughing out loud) in his sleep – And he’s saying something too but I just can’t figure out what it is. Guess what I did?

Me laugh cyarn dun too. It was so funny J. When I thought I had had enough I woke him. He said…

Charlton (wakes up and say): I’m laughing in my sleep right? 

Me: Yes. What’s so funny

Charlton: I couldn’t tell you

Then strange enough, he goes right back to sleep. It must have been about two minutes (if that long) or less that he was up for and he goes right back to sleep – And starts laughing again. “A wha de juak yah tarl” (translation: (a funny) what is going on here). Guess what it did?

I started laughing too. Dis juak yah sweet bad – LOL (translation: this is too funny)

Dream 3

We’re sleeping… I know… Duh…

So Charlton starts screaming. Well; it was like a scream-moan (a scremo) – Not too ‘girly” and kinda “manly”. So he’s “scre-moing”… It wakes me up and I’m not sure what to do because I’ve heard folks say in the past that you’re not supposed to wake them up. At least I think that’s what people say – Now I’m not so sure. Anyway… The “scremos” are getting louder and louder. So I start to think; “Shit I gotta wake him before he dies in his dream”. So I wake him… And he starts scrambling around in the bed…

Charlton (his hands on his neck): My neck! My neck! Oh my neck! Check my neck! Check my neck!

Me (panicking now, checking his neck thinking this shit is real): Where! Where! I don’t see anything!

SIDE NOTE: Just thinking back… We were a sight to behold.

He’s just laying there in the bed now not saying anything.

Me: You ok hon? What were you dreaming about? You were screaming and moaning (aka: scremoing)

Charlton: Hey! Da dream dey min wicked! I don’t know how to explain this wan yah (translation: that was a really bad dream and I don’t know how I can explain it)

Me: What happened?

Now… Wait for it… Wait for it…

Charlton: Your grandmother was trying to suck my blood

I know… You’re probably thinking what I was thinking. I should have let him die in his dreams. Anyways…

Me: What do you mean MY grandmother?

Charlton (laughing): She was trying sucking my blood on my neck

Me: Which one of my grandmothers?

I know what you’re thinking now too… And I swear to God we didn’t smoke anything. Although I’m still trying to figure out what the hell we ate. Or could it have been that extended business meeting we had before nodding off? I know sometimes they get so… You know… make you talk in a language you never learned but… Not this shit that we were doing. Could it? 😉

Charlton: I thought she was going to kill me. It felt so real

Me: Why did it have to be my family? It couldn’t be someone in your family?

Charlton: So I’m going to dream about someone in my family killing me?

Me (thinking): I should have let you die in your dreams

He goes back to sleep about five or so minutes after our conversation. That’s the thing with him. It doesn’t take much for him to go back to sleep. Me now… I checked the time and it’s after 3am in the morning. I should have just let him die in his dreams for real. Now I wouldn’t be up tired, with my feelings hurt because my man thinks that I have a blood-sucking murderer for a grandmother.

There was one last dream guys but I can’t tell you about this one. I will be cut-up like pork and put in a Ziploc bag in the freezer for real. I know I’ve said this before but please… If I forget and tell you about this dream – I will for sure be the other-white-meat diced – So remember to tell the police to look for me there… First! LMAO


Feels good to be back! I’m sorry I stayed away so long. There’s so much to tell you 🙂


6 Responses to "Thank God This Was A Dream!"

Quite funny!!

Which grandmother? I’m just picturing the two of you fumbling around checking his neck….. toooooooooo funnnnnny….

I’m glad you’re back too, and don’t do it again. Plus it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who has an “unusual” family life…………I do it all in my dreams too.

I got a good and much needed laugh…Thanks hon…but smh @ “I should have let him die in his dreams lol”

I know you told me about this already, but it still had me brukin wid laugh….good to have your lazy blogless ass back.. 😀

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