Queen Victoria Rides Again

Posted on: July 9, 2012

By the way, before you begin to think otherwise let me just tell you now that… I. Can. Ride!

SIDE NOTE: Come on… Get out the gutter guys… Ride a bike I mean. I. Can. Ride. A. Bike! I just forgot how to momentarily.

So… I got a bike and I decide that Kuba and I (along with a friend who’s an avid rider) are going to participate in a “fun-ride”. The thing is, I didn’t go on it for weeks because I knew that I had learned how to ride a bike when I was young-ER. Yes, when I was younger. Whoever forgets how to ride a bike?

Anyway, before I decided that we were going to do the fun-ride my friend had called wanting me to be the “AC on wheels” chaperone. Like what? I can’t ride to?

Anyways… Somehow my bike ended up at my brother’s house and I went there to pick it up for the fun –ride the next day. They have a huge backyard so I decide to get a little warm-up.

I get on the bike and immediately I’m thinking… “This is not good.”

It LOOKS as if I’ve forgotten how to ride. OMG! This is not good.

I’m in my brother’s backyard with Kuba and my niece.

Niece: Auntie I thought you said you were going to a fun-ride tomorrow?

SIDE NOTE: This is the same niece from the nutmeg fame

Me: Yes

Niece: But you can’t ride

Me: Yes I can! I just haven’t been on a bike in a long time that’s all. Just rusty

Niece (Laughing): Mom! Mom! Come see auntie! She’s falling off the bike!

Me: Can I have some privacy please? I think you should go inside

My sister-in-law comes out and there’s me; can’t seem to stay on the bike for two seconds straight. She can’t stop laughing… It’s the funniest thing (to her).

Sister-in-law: Wait… You can’t ride a bike?

Me: I could swear I learned how to ride a long time ago

SIDE NOTE: Now I’m doubting myself – This is insane!

It’s a comedy show outside… I’ve now caused quite a commotion in the backyard.

My older niece looks out the kitchen window…

Niece: Auntie… Those things in front… On the handle bars… They’re called brakes… You’re supposed to use them when you want to stop… Not hop off the bike

She’s family, she’s family, she’s family. Ignore her.

She’s cracking up.

Niece: I have to call grandma and tell her about this

Me (thinking): You’re officially out of my will when I write one. Note to self: Buy lotto ticket

I must have looked like a total ass.

I’m still on the bike… And Kuba is chanting… “Mom, you can do it! You can do it!

SIDE NOTE: I’m thinking to myself… “I remember riding bikes when I was little! I did! Was that memory implanted when I was kidnapped or something? What is going on here? Why can’t I stay on this damn bike?”

Sister-in-law (watching me with a “you’re-gonna-need-surgery-after-this”) look: This doesn’t look good. I don’t think the fun-ride is a good idea

Me (thinking): I’ve told just about everyone I know that I will be riding in the fun-ride. I will not be driving in any bike ride! Note to self: Keep more things to yourself

So; it’s the day of the fun-ride and I’m driving behind a cluster of bikers…


P.S. So… Just in case you’re wondering if I’ve been back on the bike….

I did. The following weekend I just told myself… “I’m gonna ride this damn  bike even if it kills me!” I’ll just have to do it real early in the morning though – So the chances of anyone seeing me fall would me minimal.

So I got up at 5AM the Saturday morning and just hopped on the bike. It was a little bit touch-and-go at first but I stayed on and rode for about an hour.

But damn! Someone should have told me…! The pants…! I needed to get the padded ones! OMG! I was saying a silent prayer all the way back home.

“Our Father who art in heaven. Please save the queen. Please save the queen.”

When I got off that bike it took all the grace I had not to walk like “Cowboy X” into the house. “Queen Victoria” was sooooo relieved – Kinda mad looking but relieved no doubt.


4 Responses to "Queen Victoria Rides Again"

[…] gentlemen why I’m way past due with my check-up. You see, I just prefer when my doc gets to know Queen Victoria before they get to know Salma Crump. Please… Don’t judge […]

Sorry I missed this scene, dying with laugh lol. I need to get your nieces a video cam.

I can just picture that scene in the backyard……toooo funny….. and yes you did know how to ride when we were kids…

I knoooow! So much for the saying; “It’s like riding a bike, you never forget.”

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