momtuition

And no it’s not a business meeting… Who the hell in their right mind does that!

So I get there about 1PM; prime lunch time… The placed is packed and the line is loooong. I’m at Subway – Standing in line – And after a while I see folks just going up to the counter, turning around then leaving with each one slamming the door a little bit harder than the one before them. I stay in the line and wait my turn not realizing I’m heading into idiot-ville.  All of a sudden you hear an outburst at the counter, “Whey yuh mean nun effing bread day?” (Translation: What do you mean there’s no bread?) Believe it when you hear that a hungry man is an angry man :). Folks started complaining and leaving after this but I stayed. Why? I’m sure you’re asking. I don’t know… Could be that by this time I was like , fricking hungry plus I’ve walked into idiot-ville a few times before so I guess a part of me was thinking that the people there know me – LOL. I don’t want to believe we’ve been standing here all this time and there’s no bread and no one is saying anything.

Anyway, I’m about to get to the counter… I get there, order a grilled chicken sub. The attendant lets me complete my order then says,

Food Attendant: There’s no bread but you can get a wrap

Me (thinking): UN-SignLanguage-BELIEVEABLE! SIDE NOTE: My alter-ego wanted to say, “Whey yuh mean nu effing bread day?” But I usually talk my alter-ego out of doing and saying shit all the time so… What some people would call the “stush” me said…

Me: Are you kidding me? When were you guys going to say something? We’ve been standing in line all this time and no one saw if fit to make an announcement?

Food Attendant: We have wraps

Me (thinking): Well NEWS-PlentyWords-FLASH… That’s why people are leaving! No-one cares about the damn wraps! SIDE NOTE: By the way does it make sense for me to tell you that by this time she’s now telling me that they’re out of cucumber and tomatoes so if I want the wrap those won’t be included.  I know… IN-JailTime-CREDIBLE!

Me: Is the cost for this wrap any cheaper?

Food Attendant: No. It’s the same amount

I then turned around and said…

Me: EVERYBODY! Subway is out of BREAD and TOMATOES and CUCUMBER!” So if you don’t want a Who-Gives-A-Shit-Wrap you can leave now!

SIDE NOTE: Ok, I didn’t actually say that second part about the wrap – BUT I so wish I did, right? It sounds so bad-ass! And I don’t think I would have obsessed about it either. Like think that maybe there was someone telling them all along to make an announcement to the customers but they ignored her. And she didn’t want to say anything because she had just started working there and feared that she would lose her job if she did. Plus there’s a guy in the line that she was checking out and it looked like he was checking her out too. Now she’s wondering what he’s thinking after my outburst. She’s embarrassed. Like that I would be obsessing. God… I need to get this OCD shit under control. BTW, in my nut-job obsession if I said what I didn’t say then obsessed about it – They guy would be thinking… I hope they close this joint early so I can walk this chick to her car, bus or wherever ;). Bow-chicka-wow-wow ;).

Anyway, my announcement caused most of the other suckers (like myself) to leave. Back to my car that’s parked illegally, in a spot not suited for parking, in a spot where it should not be with the engine running. That’s the trick folks. Leave your engine running – This way if you come back out and a cop is about to write a ticket your excuse makes better sense. You know… Something like; “It was just going to be in and out officer. I didn’t expect to take this long. I went in there and so and so (make shit up – LOL) happened.”

SIDE NOTE: Murda! Nuh badda sen dis to yuh police fren. Yuh too libarty! Translation: Please do not send this post to your friend who’s a police. Nobody asked you to, so don’t!

SIDE NOTE: And please… If e between a tief and yuh ploice fren. Tek all de libarty yuh want and send ge yuh police fren… PLEASE! Nuh tell nun teif bout dis! Translation: Cyarn badda wid dat right now! Seriously though… Translation: If you JUST HAVE TO TALK about my car and how I park with the engine running – And you have to choose between your friend who’s a police and your friend who’s a thief  – Tell your friend who’s a cop. By the way if you haven’t already started think about that intervention with the thief now is the time to do so.

Anyway, back to my rant…

Now tell me… How the hell does Subway run out of bread? Cookies…? Yes! We-don’t-give-a-shit-about-your-wraps? Yes! But bread! You’re in the sandwich business for crying-out-loud! You don’t run out of bread!

I went to Subway one day to get a sandwich for lunch a little after they opened in Antigua – And that’s what happened which led to a one-man boycott that lasted a few years.

Yes… After a few years I went back. Turns out Charlton took Kuba there and he loves their pizza. I know right…? You would think I could count on him to boycott with me.

My unfortunate experience took place at the Subway city branch which I’ve been into twice (yes twice) since the end of the boycott. So much time had passed that I did not recognize anyone so I was hoping that they had either worked their way up so I don’t have to see them or out which would be better for Subway and folks like me

Anyway, now… I could not be happier with the service. And this is the service at the Old Parham Road branch. There’s even an attendant there that recognizes us as soon as we walk in and pretty much knows our order. Now that’s service!

By the way folks, there’s this FB Group that sort of led to me writing this post. I was initially writing this as a comment on this page but whaddayaknow… Turned out to be an epistle. I should have known. I have trouble doing anything small :). Take a look at the page though and consider joining too.

Customer Service in Antigua & Barbuda