momtuition

So, I’m technically ten, nine, eight, seven, no, six, ok five days away from my birthday. SIDE NOTE: Took me some time to get going on this post… And you will find out to end it as well. LOL

I’ll be 35 any day now. Can you imagine that? I keep asking my mom and Charlton about the surprise party they’re throwing for me but haven’t been getting any clues at all. It’s beginning to look like they won’t be doing a damn thing. Mom just told me that 35 isn’t a milestone. My mom… Said that… To me. That hurt deep. So I’m sorry folks; especially to those who got an early invite. Next year… DEFINITELY!

I’m looking forward to 35 though. It’s the new 25, or so the 35 year olds say :).

Thirty-four was a good year, mostly because I survived it with my sanity in tack and didn’t run around my neighborhood or my office naked. I swear… I’ve had dreams. 

The year started out with us just beginning to settle into a new program in a new school. Then at the end of summer we had to make some tough choices. I think most of you know how that ended. I felt like I crashed and burned. And what made it worse is that at one point it felt like Kuba was burning too and I couldn’t do anything about it. You know me (as Salma) you knew about this program. If you know me as “The Salma Crump” perhaps there’s still a chance that you know about this program. LOL- Couldn’t help it; just had to get that in there. I was into it BIG-O TIME-O. Like all the other parents were as well. 

Anyway; along the way I began to lose my passion when the program began changing direction. Little things turned into big things. At one point (initially) I felt like I couldn’t talk openly about some of the fears I was beginning to have about this program. I know… One minute I couldn’t stop talking about it and the next… So outside of the other parents (at school) and my mom – I just glossed over school when anyone asked. SIDE NOTE: I guess that’s the new word (glossed-over) for “lie” now. 

Unfortunately though, we had to move on with what we felt (and still feel) was right for Kuba at the time. I still do hope though that eventually the program develops into what was originally planned or even better. Better is good… We like better 🙂 

Then we launched ABILITY; a Special Education lobby group. This was a group that started on BBM after a very intense discussion between 3 moms. Truth be told I had never met one of the moms and was just introduced to her on BBM before the discussion. Isn’t it amazing the things you can get accomplished once there’s a common goal? I think we’ve managed to do that but we still have a lot more to do – The work never really ends when you think about it. You’re an advocate… You’re an advocate… You’re an advocate. It never stops. SIDE NOTE: I think I would say that this was one of the highlights of the year. I’ve met so many other parents and the support we’ve received have been overwhelming. 

My apologies… Think I rambled on there for a minute. 

So on to the juicy stuff now. You can stop reading now if you’re NOT nosy 🙂 

I haven’t made any resolutions except one unofficial one, and it’s not to bring my blackberry into bed. But if Charlton is asleep it doesn’t count that why it’s unofficial. 😉 

So instead of resolutions there are just certain dos and don’ts that I try to live by. 

Here goes… 

1. If Dr. Oz is going to do a show on “Getting Rid of Belly Fat” and they’ve asked members of the audience to wear a sports bra and gym-pants.  Don’t go! DON’T DO IT! I tell you… You’re going to regret it if you do.

2. Never trespass on private property – Because you’ve always wondered; “What’s back there?” And today you finally decide to go check it out – So you drive all the way in and then you stop, make a move to get out the car – Then the other adult in the car says; “I thought you were just going to drive up and look-and-leave?” And then you may say; “I watch too much HGTV for that.” Then they say; “I’m not coming. There may be security cameras here and I’m not going to be on it.” Then you say; “What you talkin bout Willis?” And then you get out the car and leave the engine running, hoping that the other adult just may really stay there in the event you have to make a run for it. But in reality only to be followed by the adult and a child who may be with you. Then you get a chance to fully take in the view which is to-die-for – Then it hits you… There’s only one way in and the same way out… Well; unless you want to go over the balcony. And then you may say out loud; “This balcony isn’t up to code. It’s hitting me mid-thigh.” And the one other adult passenger says; “How do you know that?” Then you may have to say; “I do learn stuff while watching HGTV you know.” Ok… I take this one back. Do it! Do it! Totally do it! This view is insane! I mean, so I heard 🙂

3. It’s ok work your way up the ladder. Have a good career ahead of you, nice office but still dream about quitting your job and clipping coupons and appearing on the TLC’s Extreme Couponing. It looks like so much fun on TV. If it ain’t free it’s not for me baby. LOL 

4. Stop obsessing about wearing “matching underwear”. If something happens to you and they have to cut your clothes off and your bra is black but your underwear is more close to grey than faded. But you swear you’ve only worn it a few times and it must be the material that cannot take the rigors of the washing machine – And you make a mental note to yourself: Hand-wash all undergarments. But you’ll stop stressing because obviously the person cutting your clothes off is trying to save your life. You make another mental note to yourself: Stop watching the ER Trauma shows.   

5. Don’t refer to your vagina as anything else but vagina. No… “Pam” isn’t ok and neither is “Lady-part”. And I’m not translating “Pam” for anybody because it’s totally ridiculous. How-Ev-Ver… Referring to a friend of the vagina as King Kong… Totally ok 😉 

6. Find a way to get over your Jewish-guilt… Your son likes rum-and-raisin ice-cream. Plus you’re not even Jewish. 

7. If you have kids and you’re considering the Ramen Noodle family diet plan so you can afford the leopard print dress, pumps and clutch combo … Wait! I’m thinking here. Ok… Are you kidding me! Don’t do it! How could you even think… Errr… What’s wrong with you! How-Ev-Ver… If you’rrrreee on your owwwwnnn… 🙂 

8. In the event you bump into your man’s ex – And I mean literally bump into. It’s ok to pretend you don’t know her. Even though you’ve looked her up on Facebook and you know what she does for a living and what she’s had for breakfast that morning. And… OMG…! That pic…! I’ve seen better mug-shots. 

9. While I’m on the topic of exes… DO NOT EVER… EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER… Call the ex – Unless you’ve had some stupid-juice – In which case that explains everything. 

SIDE NOTE: For the nosy inquisitive ones who didn’t stop reading when I said to stop. Me nah sen yuh pan Facebook fuh do nun investigation. (Translation: Leave people business alone). I’m just saying… I don’t think you should do this. 

10. And while I’m on the topic of Facebook; don’t pass someone on the street – Look them in the eye – Don’t say hello even after they give you a “Save APUA Kilowatt fuh bang darg” smile – Then go home and send them a Facebook friend request. Outta ardar! (Translation: Really and truly there’s none… But “Out of order” comes close). SIDE NOTE: I think all the Facebookers in the Caribbean should get together and petition FB for another update. This would be a button next to the “Accept Friend Request” button only this button would say “Kip Dat!”. (Translation: Can’t translate this one either but “Not Interested” comes close). Wouldn’t it be cool if it had audio too? 

11. Find a way to eat fewer things that previously had a face. 

And finally… 

12. Never stop advocating for better education for your child/ren. Or for anything you’re passionate about – With the exception of stealing women’s underwear. That’s still a crime. 

Seriously though… My advocacy platform is Special Needs Education so I can tell you that you’ll come across many folks who will give you too many reasons of why they can’t help your child – And you’ll come across many people who are nice (I need a word other than nice) and understanding but still can’t help. I know that the system in which they work has severe limitations that they are also frustrated by. You see, the folks on the front-line are often the ones that have to tell parents that they cannot provide the services or care that your child needs. And honestly, I don’t think many of them are happy with that role or the implications for the child.

I also know that there are many parents who are uncomfortable with being assertive, afraid of confrontation (especially when people are being nice) – You say you’re shy or you feel afraid to stand up for your child because you assume others know more than you do. But I’m here to tell you that even if it goes against every bone in your body you have to stand-up for your child. You will have to insist – Which I’m not saying is easy, but you will have to do it. And I hope that the educators, administrators or anyone for that matter, know, that by speaking up for your child, you are not in any way attacking them personally and that it should not create a negative relationship between them and your child (or even you). I’m not trying to make excuses for anyone or saying that parents should be rude or unkind – But when parents come to talk it’s with good intentions with a healthy dose of frustration. At the end of the day, as parents there’s only one position we can take in this situation. And that is to stand-up for our kid’s rights. 

And everybody say… AMEN! 

I wish you guys all the best for the New Year; whatever “best” means to you. 

SIDE NOTE: Dear Lord I hope it doesn’t mean killing, robbing or stealing.

I know I don’t usually have photos but I thought this post warranted one. This should sum it up well.