Archive for the ‘Advocacy’ Category
Dear Hon. Minister Browne,
By the time you read this letter you would have spent over three hundred days in office. As I write this letter I would have lived (still living) with a child on the autism spectrum for over twelve years. I am a mom and I am an advocate – And with this experience in mind I wanted to share some advice with you on an issue that you’ve been disturbingly silent on.
Let me say right off the bat that what I’m calling for is common-sense, clarity and planning with some urgency, with regards to the restructuring of special education in Antigua & Barbuda – Actually the restructuring of the educational system period. Where the child, as student, is at the center of reform, rather than a variety of external factors or where adults and their roles are central. Intentional restructuring I’m speaking of – One that recognizes that the student is the producer of educational results.
Is there any disappointment on your end that your Ministry has been unable to clearly articulate its plan for special education? Are you ok with the fact that more and more of our special needs children are either aging-out or dropping out of school? They’re unemployed; or if they’re paid, very few have a fulltime/fulfilling job/opportunities. This is not a rousing support of success and it surely does not support the status quo. Quite the contrary, it says we need to change what we’re doing. Frankly speaking, another three hundred days is too long of a wait to hear about what that change will involve.
So, in dealing with the future… I recommend humility. Just give up on making any spectacular claims. I’m way past being impressed. Those short term attempts at improving the provision of special education have been woefully inadequate; short-sighted at best, at worst…? But alas, there are still those pretentious bureaucrats in your department who get a real thrill out of assuming that their job is to spin policy (whether these policies work or not), entertain the public with interviews using lofty words, somehow securing added status. I’m sure something about this must feel good. It has to, since I’ve seen this tactic deployed so often. What you need to do is to develop policies that work. Policies developed through a collaborative process.
So we don’t have any money… I get it – Loud and clear. It’s pretty much a universal position for public schools; the fact that they’re underfunded – But I refuse to continue to accept that as an acceptable excuse. I often wonder why no one ever talks more about using the funding we have smarter. How about making the Special Education course which is offered to teachers in training, mandatory? For some reason there are those who think that special education is this stand-alone concept. It isn’t. Any “inclusion” policy is doomed without the support of the general teacher. And by the way this should not be voluntary either. These teachers should be required to do what is appropriate. Parents should not have to beg and plead with teachers and principals to take our children in the class. You cannot begin this process without the adequate preparation of the general teacher. They must know how to teach a diverse class. All our children deserve a fully-prepared teacher for every day of their educational careers. Yet we have made little progress with our efforts to provide training to the general teacher for work with special needs children. So what we have now is outright refusal by many to participate in the process. And though we’re often told by principals, teachers and education officials that they want parental involvement and that much of your ultimate success rests on our willingness to support your efforts, it is not always clear that those attempts to involve us (parents) are genuine. So, we’re the best, once we’re responding to your needs – Show up to your meetings – BUT – offer any real suggestions regarding educational plans. Hold up! Wait a minute… A lot of folks must be thanking God often for the fall-back excuse of blaming a child’s success on the lack of parental support.
I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that this is a human right, the right to a free, appropriate public education, which our children are being denied. What is happening amounts to discrimination – structural discrimination, which is the worst kind. Inequalities in education and society do not appear out of thin air. They show up when we don’t provide the foundational competencies needed to improve later learning. And whether you think this or not – by your inaction you continue to participate in denying them that right.
While I’m on this topic of funding can you tell us once and for all, what amount of funding is provided for students with disabilities in mainstream schools? What is such funding for? How such funding is allocated? So you don’t have enough… Ok, I get it. Tell us how you utilize what you have.
The least restrictive environment – Isn’t that our principle? This means children are removed from the general classroom only when their needs cannot be met in this environment. How many of your schools, if examined, can say that they’ve stayed true to this principle. Many of the placement decisions we make have very little to do with the educational need of the children. We know it, we put up with it, because in many ways it makes our lives easier. And before the teacher’s union activate their emergency plan… Let me just say that the Ministry of Education should be investing in more training – Consistent in-service teacher development programs. We need to bring teacher support closer – into the classrooms, where teachers work and where these interventions have real meaning and application. The odd workshop or information session is no longer adequate. And cramming a boatload of workshops into two weeks of summer won’t cut it either. It is simply not enough time to prepare anyone, no matter how intelligent or dedicated they are. As a matter of fact it just further exacerbates the problem – with the teachers themselves now representing one more inequality in our education system, further denying our children equitable educational opportunities.
Let’s talk about scholarships. Tell young people that there is no more noble profession than teaching, and that having qualified teachers in special education is a priority BUT we’re not just going to say it is, we are going to take steps to reform special education in the public school system. Practically speaking, you will be their boss and if you know a core part of your business is failing miserably and you do nothing about it, then why would anyone want to work in that department. Others will get excited about it IF YOU ARE, they will be committed to it IF YOU ARE; accept responsibility for it IF YOU DO. But Minister Browne… You must be able to articulate your plan. Say what the big picture is. And please, please, don’t say it’s building a school, or adding classrooms to Adele School. That just cannot be THE plan.
Speaking of which, access to tertiary education is not under threat. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not for one minute saying that it’s not important. All I’m saying is that right now, it is (access that is) not under threat. However, what I think is being threatened though, is early childhood and primary education, which you don’t hear much about. Who are we expecting to go to this University of Antigua & Barbuda I keep hearing about? Oh yes… Forgot I was talking about special education here and that the expectation is that those students will not make it to university. What a shame we make those determinations when our children walk into the classroom at three and five years old. I have to tell you Minister… This rush to build a university is giving off some serious legacy vibes. I’m not saying that it’s all about your legacy. I’m just saying that it looks like it. But you see, there’s something about legacy… And that is not to think about it. Try not to think too much about about how folks will remember you in the future. Just say what you’re going to do – Actually do it – Do it now, when it will make a difference in people’s lives. Trust me, the legacy will follow.
This haphazard enrollment of special needs students in some select (perhaps – who knows – I haven’t come across anyone who has any rationale on how these schools were selected) schools look like a publicity stunt. However, for the sake of this “one-sided” discussion let’s just say there was a plan. Can someone please tell us then, why these children were sent into already overcrowded schools? How these schools were selected? Why no accommodations were made for these students who were enrolled in these schools – not by chance but by purposeful planning? Is this a pilot program? Are we collecting any data to show what’s working, what’s not – How these students are progressing? Again, I’m not saying it was a publicity stunt. I’m just saying that it sure looked like one – And such actions would not only be morally suspect; it would also be strategically short-sighted.
In dealing with the education stakeholders, my advice… Spend more time listening than talking. I know… It will be difficult, you’re in a lofty position now; but you need to respect the fact that those who work in schools know more than you or your bureaucrats about the everyday struggles of learners and teachers. Don’t become so preoccupied with hearing your own voice you think you sound better than MJ (come on now) because you will spend your time trying to impress the Prime Minister (so that he reappoints you) and the people (so that they tolerate you) with gimmicks — those flashy, short-term, dramatic changes that anyone serious about educational reform will tell you are simply unsustainable. Haven’t realized that if we don’t do this part well then we’re on the road to failing our children?
So, the more you listen, the better you will perform.
Finally, Minister, as you lead what I think is one of the most precious assets of our country, our education system; I wanted to share one final piece of advice with you. I’m sure you’ll have some harsh thoughts about what I’ve written but let me suggest patience. You’re in a public position and will be criticized… Deal with it! Democracy is not more important to politicians than it is to the ordinary man who has to live with the effects of the policies or lack thereof set by them.
So I will tell you now – Don’t waste your time trying to find out anything about me, don’t announce any broad-based parent meeting unless you and your team are prepared to have serious dialog about the future of special education. Seriously, we’re all going to float away if we hear anymore “fluff”. Also, don’t go all “Chris Christie” on me because I’m being critical – because I see that as doing precisely the opposite of what you should be encouraging in the education system these days and that is critical thinking and community involvement – And wouldn’t that be a shame.
Sincerely,
Salma Crump
I Stand Quietly
Posted on: April 20, 2015
I stand quietly while you do somersaults on the bed as you aren’t being naughty; you are just trying to get your out of sync body under control.
I stand quietly by the toilet door every time you need to go, and come with you around the house, and sometimes even just across the room, because I know you can feel truly frightened when you are not near me.
I stand quietly at the supermarket checkout while everyone stares at you barking like a dog and blowing raspberries on my arms to cope with the buzzing lights.
I stand quietly while you tell the baffled shop owner that you are looking for shoes that feel hard like splintered wood because your skin can’t bear soft things.
I stand quietly when the attendant gives us scornful looks when I ask for the key to the disabled toilet because the hand dryer noise is too overwhelming for you.
I stand quietly while the nice old lady who lives over the street tells me you wouldn’t be like this if you had siblings.
I stand quietly watching the part-cooked dinner flush down the toilet as the smell was becoming too strong for you to bear.
I stand quietly as you diligently brush your teeth even though it feels like the toothpaste is burning you.
I sit quietly while you scream at me, trying to control the panic you feel because I gently touched your head when brushing your hair.
I sit quietly while the teacher tells me she knows about autism and that you are not autistic and asks if I would benefit from some parenting classes.
I sit quietly while the GP, the occupational therapist and the paediatrician agree how bad it is but say that there are no resources to support us further.
I sit quietly while you cry because your friends say you can’t play with them anymore because you tried to change the rules once too often, even though it was only so you could cope.
I sit quietly watching you desperately try on countless items of clothing, searching your cupboards, feeling the textures, knowing that we will have to cancel your beloved horse riding lesson again because they all feel too bad to wear.
I sit quietly as you explain to me that you can go to no more birthday parties and no more clubs as people are just too scary when they are excited.
I sit quietly when my family tells me that you will grow out of it, you just need more routine and earlier bed times.
I sit quietly and rack my brains for something for you to eat as everything you try today makes you gag and wretch until your eyes stream with tears.
I sit quietly when an old friend suggests I would be better off putting you on the naughty step and taking away a beloved toy.
I sit quietly all night whilst you sleep on the cold wooden floor with your head on my leg as you are really poorly but the warm softness of the bed that should be a comfort is making you feel worse.
I sit quietly while you try to regain some kind of control over your body in a meltdown, scared and sobbing and writhing about, hitting yourself harder and harder and begging me to hit you as hard as I can too.
I lay quietly with my back to you as my smell makes you feel sick and although we both desperately want and need to cuddle, you can’t bear to.
I lay quietly beside you when you tell me that you are the wrong sort of special and the wrong sort of different and you want to die.
https://www.justgiving.com/autism-awareness-jill-finch/
It is one month until World Autism Awareness Week, so last night, rather than sit quietly googling for answers as I normally do, I wrote this open letter to share on social media. I wonder how many times people could ‘Like’ and ‘Share’ and ‘Tweet’ this over the next month? #istandquietly
I have had to learn to do these things quietly because my daughter needs me to. She is seven; bright, super funny, articulate, thoughtful and loving. She also has autism spectrum disorder. If you saw her on a good day, you’d maybe think she was a little shy and kooky. You’d maybe wonder why I am letting her wear flip-flops in the winter rain. You’ll never see her on a bad day as she can’t leave the house.*
She has severe sensory processing difficulties. A normal day exhausts her and when she feels overwhelmed, even a gentle voice trying to soothe her with loving words can be too much to process, making her feel crazy. She describes walking into a room of people as “like staring at the sun”. She’s incredibly empathetic but you may not realise as she feels her own and others’ emotions so deeply she can’t bear it, and so sometimes she has to just shut down. Forget about a hug. She is also desperately trying to come to terms with having a hidden disability that few people can understand.
This is just one story among thousands of different stories of autism, not everyone is like Rainman or like my daughter. I know it’s no great piece of prose but it’s from the heart. Thanks for reading: and I would appreciate it if you could please share to help autism awareness.
If you could donate something – however small – to help people with autism, well, that would be amazing – thank you:
https://www.justgiving.com/autism-awareness-jill-finch/
*3 months of non-stop bad days and counting, not left the house since December 3rd 2014.
This guest post was written by Jill Finch. Jill is a blogger (I think she just came out – Not out out but out – as a blogger as mean. Her writings will make you laugh and cry at the same time. I kinda dig this chick and I hope you will too… Check out her blog Dirty, Naked and Happy. You can also follow her on Twitter and Facebook. Word of caution, don’t call her stupid old fatty.
Liane Kupferberg Carter
Writer, autism advocate
Two days before our 19-year-old autistic son Mickey leaves for sleep away camp, he asks to get a haircut.
No big deal, right? But 15 years ago this would have been unthinkable.
Back then, the barbershop was the scene of some of our worst parenting moments. By 8:00 in the morning of the Dreaded Haircut Day, my husband Marc would already be muttering, “I need a scotch before I can do this” and he doesn’t even drink scotch. Bracing himself in the barber chair, Marc would clench Mickey in a bear hug and scissor-lock him with his legs. Mickey would flail frantically, headbutting his father and screaming like someone undergoing surgery without anesthesia. Customers gawked. One old man snarled, “Rotten spoiled brat.” Marc sweated through his shirt. When the barber declared he was done, I’d take Mickey into my arms. Sobbing and spent, he’d collapse against my shoulder; smearing us both with snot and hair. We tipped big. Very big.
Unable to face a repeat performance, we’d let long months go between haircuts. Mickey’s great-uncle Jack liked to tease him. “You look like a girl, buddy!” he’d say. Some days when we’d walk by that barbershop on our way elsewhere, I could swear that as soon as the barbers saw us passing, they’d quickly pull down the white shade in the window that said “Closed for Lunch.”
But today when we enter the barbershop Mickey sings out a cheery “Hi Dom!” as he plops into the chair. Dom drapes him in a maroon cape, and picks up a shaver. A screen splits in my head: I can still picture that terrified little boy, even as I watch my son, nearly a man, sitting solemnly watching his reflection in the mirror.
I wait quietly, soaking in the sounds of barbershop banter, the sports talk, the sharing of summer plans. It is all so completely ordinary. A radio is tuned to a Lite FM station; the song playing is Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” I reflect how anyone who’d seen my son all those years ago would never have believed that Mickey would one day request — insist — we take him for a haircut. Yet here we are.
“How’s this?” Dom asks. I stand beside Mickey and glance down; the cape is feathered in a field of light brown hairs, as covered as a forest floor.
“Let’s take it down a bit more,” I suggest. “Is that ok with you, Mick?”
“Yeah, Mom,” he says.
I remember how we used to sneak into his bedroom at night with a pair of shears to give him a trim as he slept. I think of the time he was 5 and we took him to a local performance by the Paperbag Players; we hadn’t known that they were going to perform a new skit called the “The Horrible, Horrendous, Hideous Haircut.” “NO!” Mickey shrieked, and every head in the audience swiveled our way.
Nowadays, Autism Speaks’ Family Services division offers a haircutting training guide for families and stylists on how to make the experience more positive, but back then there was nothing. Fortunately, one of our behavioral therapists offered to tackle the challenge. Mickey was 7 years old. She took him to the next town over — too many negative associations with our local barber — where they simply practiced strolling by a barber shop. The following week, they stood in the doorway. They progressed to sitting in the waiting area, watching other people get haircuts, then having Mickey sit in the barber chair. Eventually they introduced the cape; the shaver; the scissors. It took months, but by the time Kathy was done, Mickey was able to — miracle of miracles! — tolerate a haircut.
“This feels better,” Mickey tells me. His hair is crew cut short; I can see his scalp. I think he’s more handsome with a bit more hair. But Mickey is happy with how he looks, and that’s all that matters.
“Thanks Dom,” Mickey says softly. Dom dusts a brush with talcum powder, sweeps it across the back of Mickey’s neck. Mickey stands, turns to me and asks, “Can I have a dollar?”
I give him a $20 bill. He hands it to Dom. “Keep the change,” he says breezily. A man of the world.
“Is Dom proud of me?” Mickey asks.
“Very proud,” I say. “You know what? We’re all very proud of you.”
This whole visit to the barbershop has lasted 15 minutes. But it took us years to get here.
===
This is a guest post by Liane Kupferberg Carter. Liane’s articles and essays have appeared in many publications, including the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, Newsday, Parents, McCall’s, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Skirt!, and many literary journals. She has recently completed a family memoir. Connect with Liane on Facebook and Twitter, or her website.
- In: Advocacy | Autism | employment | right to work
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This is a guest post written by: Jonathan Andrews
A survey released to 5 live Breakfast has found that more than three-quarters of disabled students and graduates are afraid to let potential employers know about their disability. It is a classic dilemma for people with disabilities – and it’s one I’ve been facing myself.
I’m in my third year of an English degree at King’s College London – in fact, it’s less than two months until my dissertation is submitted and my undergraduate days come to an end. I’ve decided on my next step – a career in commercial law – and have already secured two summer vacation schemes at top firms in the hope of obtaining a training contract.
Unlike most applicants, I’m disabled. I have an autistic spectrum disorder, as well as symptoms of dyspraxia.
When I first committed myself to commercial law about a year and a half ago, I was very concerned about being open on application forms, and throughout the interview/assessment process.
My friends and family almost unanimously advised me against being open – or to “disclose”, as they put it – because of a fear that this information would be used to sift me out at the first stage of the application process.
The way they saw it was that no company would want the hassle of employing me – they’d be scared about the effects of autism on my work, and wouldn’t want to “waste” money on adjustments when they could instead hire someone who didn’t need them.
Everyone with autism is affected in different ways – I have difficulty gauging social interactions, such as how long to speak for and how long I should maintain eye contact. Contrary to the stereotype of avoiding looking at someone’s eyes, I often find my eyes can linger too long and make people uncomfortable.
I find it hard working out if somebody wants to interject or has grown bored of my talking but, unlike people with more severe autism, I can read tone of voice very well. I’m not so good at controlling my own tone and can sometimes come across as angry or blunt when I don’t mean to be.
My family and friends made some good points. I do mention my disability when applying for big corporates, but am still hesitant about disclosing to small and medium-sized businesses as they usually don’t have teams dedicated to disability research and understanding like larger firms, or might not be able to afford adjustments.
After attending a number of disability employment events, I was able to meet city graduate recruiters at large firms – including the legal, banking and energy sectors – and learn first-hand about their approach to disability and the appropriate adjustments.
So when applying for commercial law jobs, I’m now a lot more confident about disclosing that I’m on the autistic spectrum because I’m assured the information won’t be used to discriminate against me. Instead, I’m told this information will be used positively to allow me to perform to my full potential if I get the role.
Often I will only ask that my interviewers and assessors be made aware of my autism, and how it might affect my performance in an interview, allowing them to look past certain traits, avoid misinterpreting how I come across, and focus instead on the content of my answers.
If recruiters know, they then have an explanation for behaviour they’d otherwise find odd. Revealing that you are aware of this too will paint you as a confident, mature person with attention to detail and it will also show you have an interest in self-improvement.
That being said, this doesn’t mean I have no concerns at all about being open in my future career. The recent Great with Disability report that reveals that more than three-quarters of disabled graduates are afraid to let potential employers know about their disability doesn’t surprise me.
While I’m convinced that being open makes applying for graduate and entry-level roles easier, I am concerned about the low numbers of openly disabled people in higher levels of the professions; in particular, the apparent lack of any openly autistic partners or counsels in the legal sector.
It might be that nobody with autism has ever reached these positions. It’s more likely that they have, but chose to remain quiet about their impairment or may not have been diagnosed.
Either way, without open role models, I sometimes worry whether I will be able to reach those top jobs, and wonder what it is that is holding some disabled people back.
Though large law firms might have a great attitude, top jobs in the legal sector are largely client-facing, and I can’t help but worry that client concerns about disability play a large part here – so a law firm’s internal positive disability policy may not help.
I’d like employers to understand the benefits of disability – it can make people a lot more determined to achieve goals and the challenges it throws up often force us to become good problem-solvers. A different way of looking at the world is vital. Recent evidence shows how diversity – of experience, background and belief – benefits business. But if people aren’t open about their needs, then they can’t perform at their best.
I choose to tell potential employers about my disability so that, should I require any adjustments, they’ll be available – and I can walk into work and spend all my energy on doing my job rather than hiding who I am.
Must Love Fries
Posted on: September 8, 2014
Someone on Facebook recently shared this story with me. It’s about a group of kids playing a prank on a kid with autism who thinks he’s about to do the ice bucket challenge. Instead of ice-water they allegedly poured bodily fluids (urine etc.) over him.
I’m sharing the link to the news story and will leave it up to you to decide whether or not you want to watch the actual video. Between us, I haven’t been able to press play.
Unfortunately, as parents of special needs kids, these are things that we worry about all the time. What if this happens to our kids? Would they tell us? What about our kids who are not able to speak/communicate? How would we react if we knew?
What these kids did to that boy was, without a doubt, cruel and absolutely wrong. But this is learned behavior. They were not born with thoughts of doing these things. Now, this is not about laying blame at the feet of parents, however, as adults we all need to keep in mind the influence we have on the kids in our lives. How you talk about the disabled in your home determines how your kids interact with the disabled? You may mot be telling them to go out and do mean and cruel things, but if you speak of the disabled in less-than terms, they will be treated as less-than by your children. Teachers, what you say in your classroom impacts the relationship these kids have with each other? Playground and classroom hierarchies etc. manifest this way. I’m more empathetic towards kids (even though I struggle with it sometimes) who commit some of the horrific acts you hear about being done to our special needs kids/adults. But we all need to recognize that what we do and say has consequences – consequences which are sometimes borne out in ways we never saw coming.
At the end of the day I hope that whatever disciplinary action is taken involves these kids getting involved in/doing something meaningful for kids (and their families) with autism. So they get a feel of what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes… Something called empathy.
After all we’re not born loving fries more than broccoli.
The Pitch
Posted on: July 21, 2014
- In: Advocacy | Advocay | Dos & Don'ts | Filthy Mind | Say What! | The Daily Observer
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Jamaica Tallawahs Captain, Chris Gayle addresses members of the media at a press conference at the Sir Vivian Richards Cricket Grounds (CPLT20.com)
I don’t know about you but I think Chris Gayle’s recent comments in response to a question from a reporter at a press conference were totally sexist and disrespectful – And the reporter laughing is at best irrelevant and at worst heartbreaking.
In case you missed it here’s a clip of the comments (within the article)
For those who think she wasn’t offended… So what if she wasn’t? If my boss refers to a female colleague as a bitch and she’s ok with it – HELL NO it doesn’t make it right and he better think twice before he refers to me as one. I for one see that laughter though, as nervousness/I don’t know how to respond/Should I respond?/What are people going to think?/It’s Chris Gayle! I can’t challenge him. Can I?/I’m going to be labeled a feminazi. Or it will be said that I have an agenda/It’s Chris Gayle! The cricket star! So shocked and unconsciously mute now – What comes out instead? Nervous laughter… It’s a coping mechanism. Raise your hand if you’ve never witnessed it or more likely experienced it yourself.
So, yes, Chris needs to apologize – And if enough of us get together, we can make it easy for him to do so or very difficult for him not to. We have unlimited access to sports (and other) journalists online and they are always looking for stories. Well… We need to give them one. At the end of the day, the goal as I see it, is not so much to get Chris to apologize. Yes, we want that to happen and for him to recognize that what he said is unacceptable but I see it more as us preventing others from making similar utterances and understanding that what he said was totally inappropriate. You must think twice before you say stupid shit. We know… Speech is free – But – Consequences will cost you.
I haven’t seen anything about Chris Gayle’s comments on my FB timeline so I will be putting this comment on my timeline. I will also be posting this (what I’ve written here) on my blog. Is there a Twitter hashtag? I know; there are some out there who think hashtag activism is a waste of time and does nothing but I disagree with that notion. At its core it’s an awareness tool which is a big part of activism. So it’s not going to solve the problem on its own but it can make the unknown mainstream and put pressure on people to act.
Don’t even get me started on the CPL statement with their… “Chris’ comments were mere pre-match hijinks and made with no malice intended…” Seriously! Pre-match hijinks! We’re talking about a grown man here, right? And malice…! I really wonder how many people heard that and thought he meant any malice. We thought he meant something more sinister… Just creepy! He was disrespectful, plain and simple. I’m not sure about any of you but I’m deeply troubled that they continue to support him – And – their ill-advised statements make them just as bad.
Here’s an article referring to the CPL statement in The Daily Observer.
This event has many sponsors, who have been decidedly quiet. All of us need to start calling/emailing these establishments/people and let them know that you are horrified that they can continue to support the person who made such sexist comments. I would want to believe those comments he made are in direct conflict with their company’s culture of respect for all individuals – And if it is, they should say so and demand he apologizes and for CPL to retract their absurd “Mad Men era” statement and treat this matter with the seriousness and urgency it requires.
The Inconvenient Child
Posted on: February 10, 2014
My open letter to the Hon. Minister of Education, Dr. Jacqui Quinn-Leandro…
I’m saddened and distressed by the state of affairs with regards to special education in this country.
We hear “It’s a priority” so often and still nothing gets done so I’ve now become numb to the promises made. I guess one thing can be said – There’s been some consistency where this issue is concerned and that is, nothing gets done. How tragic.
This year I made a special effort to listen to the Hon. Minister of Education, Jacqui Quinn-Lenadro’s speech regarding the recent budget. At one point, the Minister expressed how painful it was for her to see an unfinished structure at the Antigua State College campus for such an extended period. Painful! It pains her to see an unfinished building – that I may add – she’s right, it should be finished – BUT – perhaps I missed this, but I’ve never heard the Minister sounding this pained when she talks about special need children and how they continue to be shortchanged by the education system. Children! Not blocks! People! Or is it just the parents who should feel this pain? Newsflash! We’re feeling it! Newsflash! We can’t take it anymore!
So, since we’re on the subject of pain. Here’s what pains me…
The way the authorities run to their back-up responses of arts and crafts, vocational when the subject of special education comes up. Arts and crafts/vocational, though good is not the be-all and end-all of our children. Are we as parents to assume that that’s what it means to you – And – that is the breadth of the experience they will have in the system?
I am saddened that you and too many others continue to apologize and make excuses for the lack of any real, and thoughtful plans to address the needs of these students – actions that continue to be disastrous for so many. Quit holding out the “Coming Soon” carrot stick! We’re not rabbits! After all, at what point should we get fed-up of hearing “We’re working on something” or “We’re looking at it”. So you’re looking at it, we’re looking for it and our children get absolutely nothing from it. Just great! Words don’t help our children. Good programs/policies that are enforced do.
Here is your record…
You started out by saying the Ministry of Education will be making special education a priority. Every time I think of this I remember a quote from Mahatma Gandhi which says; “Actions expresses priorities”. My interpretation of this is that people take action on the things they deem important. I guess in a sense the Ministry’s inaction has pushed me to keep fighting for my child’s (and others like him) educational rights. So I’m going to keep demanding, over and over and over again for better more meaningful change. “We don’t have enough money” is no longer acceptable or defensible for bad education policies and programs.
You then said that you will be setting up a diagnostic center: We’re still waiting for this to even start. By the way, should we be concerned by the track record of the new public library? In a Daily Observer article on November 19th, 2011 the Minister stated: “Our fine team at the Board of Education has just completed an estimate of the cost of converting the building (referring to a building on Nugent Ave.) into a functional child-friendly centre, and we have included this expenditure into the 2012 budget,” – What happened Minister? Ok… You missed the ball in 2012 and again in 2013 – But… Believe me folks it will happen in 2014! Give me a minute please because I’m gagging on this giant-sized pill I’m being fed now. I’ve said this before – But – year after year we hear of an education budget but it’s difficult to say whether there is any correlation between the amount spent on the education system and its ability to be effective in responding to diversity. So you don’t have enough? Let us see what you’re doing with what you have. It’s your responsibility to tell us.
A Special Education Council was put in place… Good move: An advisory council could potentially assist the Ministry with drafting policies/programs/plans/reviewing budgets and giving guidance (relating to special education) on how to put those plans into action. Where I think you went wrong: Instead of looking as far as the eye can see with regards to assembling a diverse group to sit on this council – You, looked outside your office door. That‘s the only conclusion I could arrive at to explain why you would elect a senior executive within the Ministry as the Chair of this council – Added to that the other members (with the exception of one) are all Ministry execs.
By all means, this is not an attack on the competencies of the individuals who sit on the council but they are Ministry staffers and are conflicted, therefore, in providing independent advice to you. The council is unlikely to recommend actions deemed unfavorable by you or criticize any decisions that have been made by the Ministry. Therefore you and your team cannot receive the objective advice needed in order to make intelligent decisions. This clearly demonstrates a lack of understanding of the processes of thoughtful planning which the provision of special education services require.
More teachers have been trained in Special Education: This is absolutely great! But Minister, please explain why this benefit hasn’t trickled down to the point of making more of a difference for our children who are in the classrooms now. How do these new specialist teachers entering the system fit into the overall plan? What is the big picture? Is there a big picture?
The ratification of the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities: The new political ping-pong – Politicians climbing over each other to see who can be the most politically correct and use the most buzz-words. To that I say; “How convenient.” We don’t address it for years then all of a sudden it shows up in a budget speech. Did we just find the conscience we lost? When Antigua signed on to this convention in 2007, put in place by the United Nations, were we doing it for the betterment of our citizens or was it just for show?
The Ministry has managed to do very little because many parents/advocates either can’t, won’t or don’t know how to challenge them. I have to be honest though, sometimes I feel like I’m being ignored to the point of exhaustion (didn’t know this was possible) within a system that is so inherently flawed that the authorities think nothing about being satisfied with the status quo. It’s embarrassing, the awful reputation our public schools have when it comes to special education. How can we change that?
These children may have a disability and they may need accommodations to access the educational curriculum but they are worthy of the same high expectations that is placed on our typical children. So hopefully you agree that we must have high expectations of education authorities. After all it’s the high expectations that we have today which will prepare them for a life of independence in the future. I refuse to raise a child for a life of dependence on social programs and dollars! Or worse! I very much doubt you, or any other Member of Parliament, would be happy with that situation for your own children, yet so many in government are complicit by their silence on the issue. I’m not wishing for any MP to have to raise a child with special needs but perhaps you would all feel somewhat differently about the matter if you had to.
Here we are, celebrating Education Week under the theme “Every Learner Achieves: A Call for Greater Commitment” but from where I sit it does not appear as if we truly believe in that theme. That every learner can achieve – And when the authorities call for greater commitment. Who is this call going out to? Commitment is not a one-way street. Education officials are always quick to tout the importance of the involvement of parents as stakeholders in the education of their child but when parents do get involved it appears as if your involvement is only wanted on their terms. So we’re “good” once we’re singing from the same hymn-sheet but once I challenge you… Now, I know there are some who have no tolerance for this sort of emotional honesty in communication – But I refuse to give unthinking respect to anyone/group/thing. It’s not happening!
So, no more phony consultations to provide window-dressing for progress. We don’t want that! We want real dialogue that asks all partners to help define the barriers and consider how they can contribute to solving them. I’m ready to do whatever it takes. What about you?
We can be as aware of autism as we are of the sun and moon, but this really only means that you’re on to it, you know it exists. It’s a good start; please know this – But we haven’t achieved anything until that awareness then evolves into something. And that ladies and gentlemen is when we’ve transformed potential into a sort of action which then makes way for our children and the adults they will become, playing a valuable role in society, and for our society to see themselves as the beneficiary.
The thing is, autism awareness acceptance month has ended but it will never end for me. So, I ask that you please allow me to express my grave concern over the following…
Teacher Training
I’m a firm believer that there’s a need for major improvements to our teacher training program. I’ll just come out with it… It is my belief that there are teachers who have a less than positive attitude towards students with disabilities and their inclusion in general education classrooms – And this is not necessarily good or bad but… Actually, it is bad – But I say this, not to lay blame at their feet because I believe that a lot of it (not all) has to do with their training. Think about it. They are the ones who set the tone of their class. This means the success of inclusion of students with disabilities will depend on the prevailing attitudes of the teacher as they interact with these students. The implications here are far-reaching.
In our current program the special education course is what I would consider “weak”. Added to that, it’s optional. There is still such a huge separation between “regular” and “special” education with regards to our trainee program. If this orientation continues how are they ever going to get more opportunities to integrate materials taught or get a chance to experience the transdisciplinary nature of education as it should be practiced in classrooms today?
The fact that many of our autistic kids (and other disabilities) are just aging out of the school system, though certainly disappointing, should not be a surprise to anyone who examines what actually happens in our schools, and compare it to what research in other countries have clearly shown to be effective in educating these students. For quite some time now I’ve been urging the Ministry to begin collecting (accurate) data which they can then use to drive decision-making. To date, this is still not being done. Little productive change has eventuated at the policy level, much less at the classroom level.
So, what does all this mean? Teachers should be prepared for the students they are going to teach. When this does not happen both students and teachers are being setup for failure.
Ultimately though, I believe we should give every bad teacher an opportunity to train to get better, and if they don’t, they should be fired. Yes teachers, you’re special, but you’re not that special.
Ideology
In Antigua & Barbuda we have an “inclusion by default policy”. This means, that yes; officials may very well say that some students with disabilities are in the general classrooms in various schools – And this for them is inclusion. However, administrators and teachers interpret it as they choose, sometimes based on personal ideologies, and often to the detriment of students, because there are no Ministry checks and balances to ensure the intent of the “so-called” policy is respected.
So let me be clear… Inclusion is not a school or is it a class, or a student. What it is though, is a belief that regardless of labels, ALL students should be members of the general education community, having access to the full range of curriculum options.
To be honest, there is still some controversy over whether or not inclusion is appropriate, for example, for someone like my son (who’s autistic). However, in my opinion, I sometimes think that those who are not in favor of this are overlooking what is at the heart of the inclusion model. Don’t get me wrong, my philosophy is not inclusion at all costs. However, I think students must receive needed supports and services within the context of the regular classroom. When these accommodations are insufficient to insure educational success, then students can be placed in more restrictive settings. I also think it’s important for the students to have the opportunity to interact with nondisabled peers.
While I’m on the topic of inclusion; the “dunce class” – And you, yes you; don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. The “dunce class” in some of our public schools is no substitute for inclusion or special education either. What a shame, the way our kids are bullied, belittled, branded and forgotten because of a diagnosed/undiagnosed learning disorder.
We need to get away from this thinking that students, and this is students with or without disabilities, fall into neat categories of educational need. It just isn’t so.
The State of the Union
Yes; I’m going there.
To begin, let me state that teacher-bashing does not equal reform and I want to avoid it at all costs. So if you’re a teacher and you’re reading this, I hope you see it for what it is – A campaign for improved educational provisions for those children who have been excluded from or marginalized within our education system because of their disability.
So yes; you have a right to stand up and demand more/better for your members and I will support you on that – But – Demand more and better for our children as well. Contrary to popular belief (and not that this makes it right) you’re not the only “public servants” who are underpaid and overworked. I’m certain many of your members are concerned about this, but I have to be honest; you’re silence on this matter has been deafening. Teaching for the children is still a part of your mission, right?
Resourcing
Let me be the first to acknowledge that yes, funding is an issue – But as I’ve said before, in some instances it is not always a matter of more money; it is a matter of smarter money. We absolutely cannot continue to throw our hands up in the air and say there is no money so we can’t do anything.
First of all I think we need someone within the Ministry to “own” this; Special Education. Not that everyone don’t all play a role at the end of the day but someone has to “own” it – And overtime give that person a team to work with. This cannot be someone who’s already taxed by their workload in the Ministry. This is unfair to our students, teacher and the overworked employee because that person cannot give the Special Education the attention it deserves.
What the Ministry of Education needs to understand is that they have to take this matter seriously. Not just in thought but in deed. Not that attitude will change overnight if they do but I think it sets the stage for that change to occur. It’s a ripple effect. “We don’t have enough money” is no longer acceptable or defensible for bad educational policies.
I’m disappointed at the state of affairs with regards to special education but I’m not surprised.
Stand Your Ground System
We have a sort of “stand your ground” special education system in Antigua & Barbuda. This means when parents want to get any help in the public system they must be able to speak-up, stand their ground and know which doors to knock on, especially when help is initially denied. And when the public system fails, families with financial means turn to private options to rescue their kids. But the vast majority of our students with autism/other disabilities in our public schools don’t have that luxury. When they complain about inadequate supports to assure academic progress, they’re told that’s all the funds the Ministry has and that’s all they should expect. End of story.
As I write my final column for Autism Awareness Acceptance Month, I just want people to know that at the end of the day, no parent who has ever watched their child or another child struggle would ever want to deny an opportunity to help a child in crisis find the support necessary to thrive and succeed. My heart goes out to families whose children have been failed because of the public system. It kills me when other families approach me and ask for help because their children are suffering and they don’t know who to talk to/afraid to “stand their ground”. These are things that they know deep down goes against everything that’s right and fair with regards to the education of their child. Let me tell you – I sometimes struggle to find the quality that, thank God, is still somewhere within me to listen and not speak my mind in very unprintable terms. Because the irony of the situation is; that’s my kid too that they’re doing this to.
Solutions that tackle the above problems within our public schools are what we need, because these will help all students who are struggling, not just a few. The private schools are good to have but guess what? They’re private! They cost! And the tuitions are generally outside of the reach of the average family. Plus ask anyone of these schools who has a special education component as a part of their offering and they will tell you that they’re overwhelmed with parents (those who can pay the tuition and many who can’t) wanting to register their kids. And a school does not a policy make.
What we need are solutions that are imbedded in the public system from the outset. Yes they will take more effort but they will identify the real barriers, generate more buy-in, serve ALL children and pay the maximum long-term dividends for all students.
What we have now is a system where we do nothing about problem, provide no intervention, and end up with a significant group of disillusioned students who have lost contact with the curriculum. How about focusing our attention and resources on emphasizing the resolution of our mistakes? So this sequence of not chain of initial failure, embarrassment, disappointment, detachment and finally dropping out, that is so predictable and ongoing, needs to come to an end. Stop addressing it as if they’re all separate issues; they are not.
We still have many folks who are in positions which can effect change but they view autism and other disabilities as a leeches on the public school system who will suck resources as they are forced (by the way, this would be by our own laws) to serve our kids.
I’ve said many times before that if any of these people would just stop to think about what it will eventually cost ALL of us in society, if we do not do everything in our power while they’re in their childhood to produce a physically and emotionally healthy, self-sufficient adult. After all, we raise them to be men and women not children.
Our law says education for ALL. Not some. Not for those who can afford to pay – But for ALL children – One that’s appropriate and in the least restrictive environment.
So when we demand, in the name of our children, education over lip service, we have nothing to apologize for.
Jungle Fever
Posted on: April 2, 2013
In the movie The Lion King, Simba goes back to fight Scar for his rightful place in the Pride Lands. It’s one of Kuba’s favorite movies – And if it’s only one thing that he learns from that movie… My hope is that it’s the lesson of courage.
Courage to do what’s right and to stand-up for himself and others.
It’s also something that I hope time will tell that we did a good job in shaping in him. And I think a lot of it will come from us modeling that behavior ourselves.
Before autism, and everything that comes along with it, came into my life I didn’t consider myself to be a courageous person. I really didn’t. Actually, I’m not sure if I now do. Add to that, my private life back then was just that… Private!
Then I became mom to an autist and things changed. I realized very quickly that I had two choices; I could do nothing or I could do something. I chose to do something. Anything! Anything that I thought would help him overcome any challenges he had. I never saw it as a courageous act. I didn’t think I was doing no more than any parent of a “typical” kid would do for them. I was speaking out, I was advocating, I was demanding more for my son and for others like him. From time to time I get parents who would say to me; “I read your blog and I think you’re so brave for speaking out and advocating for your son. Where do you get the courage from?”
I say to them; because I owe it to him.
I remember when Kuba was initially diagnosed, we met with a psychiatrist and he asked what did we want for Kuba – And his dad responded and said that we wanted him to be the best he could be, whatever his best was. I couldn’t have said it better because nothing – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING – in this world is more important to me than knowing that Kuba will be ok on his own when we’re no longer around. It is what keeps us up at night – It’s this fear that drives me. The fear that sometimes fills my mind with thoughts of perpetual unemployment, homelessness, drug-addiction and prison – And I was going to do everything in my power to give my child a shot at a better future than that. After all isn’t that the dream of every parent, to have an independent, happy, adult child who’s capable of living on their own. My dreams are no different for my child with autism. But the attitude here is that they will continue to live with us (parents) until one of us dies. After that it’s “Good Luck Chuck”.
To date no government agency has been able to tell us how education will be provided to our kids once they enter the school system much less what happens to them once they reach adulthood. What we know now is purely anecdotal; and the picture is bleak. There’s very little opportunity for them to fully explore their full learning potential or career capabilities. And just for the record… For those of you who, sometimes with the best of intentions, when autism is mentioned, go to your only source of reference and that is the character, Raymond Babbitt, played by Dustin Hoffman in the movie Rain Man and offer a compliment alluding to the myth that we have nothing to worry about because our kids are smart… Thanks but no thanks. What I want you to do; before you think our situation is not so bad and that we all have little Einsteins and Mozarts who will have us rolling in a pile-of-dough soon enough and then we can do whatever we want. Think again. This is a spectrum of disorders all different to varying degrees… No two are the same and no two have the same differences.
In the process of writing this article I decided to do a bit of research to see what other people had to say about courage. How did they define it? I came across a site that described it this way: Courage: the emotional strengths that involve the exercise of will to accomplish goals in the face of opposition, internal or external.
I like the fact that they highlight that the opposition could be either internal or external. There’s still many of us who have not accepted that our ideas of perfection have not been realized in our child. “If only she would just…” or “Why can’t he just…” When you really stop to think about this, and I hope you do. Ask yourself if you have fulfilled all the expectations your parents had for you – And not that this is right or wrong either. It’s just that sometimes; our expectations are just that; our expectations.
You see, I think that Simba was courageous all along. He just didn’t know it. He initially told Nala when she found him; “They don’t need me!” But when she told him about what his uncle Scar had done to the pride lands, he had to go back to save his people. In his eyes that was the only choice for him. I call this “courage that knows” – Knows the risks that lies ahead but still takes action anyway because the consequences of taking no action or lesser action are unacceptable.
I sometimes end up having very intimate conversation with some moms and dads who I’m meeting for the first time and I’m sure it took quite some courage for them to talk to me about certain issues. Perhaps I would have never found my courage if it hadn’t been for son. Perhaps I would have kept on thinking that courage is something only the people who risk their lives have.
So, I still don’t quite see myself as being courageous – But there is something there, whatever it is, that makes me get out of bed each day, no matter how much I sometimes want to give up and… make another call, send another email, write another letter, reach out to someone who I think can help us move forward. Because like I said; there’s nothing – NOTHING – I will not do for my kid. After all, I owe him at least that.
I have a contagious jungle fever. Some call it courage. Don’t worry though; it’s the one you want to get.
What the…!
Posted on: March 14, 2013
Ok… This story has riled me up to no end…
Probation for Ex-Principal Sex Offender
Is it me or the punishment meted out does not match the seriousness of the crime committed. Yes, all men are created equal but in a civilized society there’s a certain level of trust that’s placed in our educators, pastors etc. There’s an expectation there that they will act in the best interest of our children. When this trust is betrayed in a most vicious way they should be severely punished.
So we’re to assume that he will never do this again – That this was his first offence – That his daughter will suffer if he’s imprisoned because he’s the sole breadwinner for his family. From what I know I think they’re many other breadwinners who are in prison. But what about the kid who didn’t deserve this – Did not ask for this – Did not expect this – Trusted this person. What about all the other parents whose kids were in this school (or who came in contact with this man perhaps at church)? Who are probably now asking their kids; “Has he ever touched you?” and hoping for an honest (although they want to hear “no”) response. What about them? I don’t want to think that I’m the only one who thinks that this is just absolutely outrageous!
He took her into a room – On school premises. Locked the door – Obviously had more in mind than saying hello. Pulled her onto his lap – Started touching her ass and asking her if she knew what sex was. A principal, predatory and opportunistic, did this! To a fourteen year old! PERV! PERV! PERV!
How does an offense like this result in such an unreasonable lenient sentence?
PROBATION MY ASS!
Just saying…
Say It Ain’t So
Posted on: September 13, 2012
My response to comments made in this article
I find it quite unfortunate and totally unnecessary; the Hon. Minister’s attempt to change the tone of the message to give the public the impression that I have been dismissive of the contributions of everyone in the field of special education or her defensive posture. Again, I encourage everyone to go and read the article which appeared in the Sept. 3rd issue of the Daily Observer. Everything the Minister mentioned that the Ministry has done was highlighted in the article. The intention was very clear. The state of affairs as it relates to special education is unacceptable and for too long all the ministry has been saying is that they’re working on a plan.
Would it be fair for me to interpret what the Hon. Minister has said re: “… persons who have only recently taken up special education as an interest” to mean that if I start a domestic violence interest group today that we should have nothing to say about the lack of adequate support services available because we’re a “jus come”? And if I do say that, it means that I’m being disrespectful or showing disregard for everyone who has ever done or is doing anything in that field? Farfetched don’t you think?
If a group says that we need to put a proper juvenile system in place so that when we expel our 14, 15, 16 year olds from schools that there’s a safety net to catch them because if we don’t we’re setting ourselves up for an even bigger problem because these kids don’t just fall off the face of the earth or die, they become adults – And if we’re ever to believe any stats or study that has ever been done anywhere we will know that not having a proper juvenile system in place will lead to (potentially) more criminals, over-crowded prisons; a bigger burden on society. Does that mean they’re being disrespectful or that they disregard the work that the parents who’ve tried, the teachers, the counselor, the neighbor, the community, the police have done? Am I the only one who thinks that even those same people (may) want more and are (probably) just as equally disappointed about the progress being made?
When the Minister says that issues such as a lack of parent involvement and teacher quality which tops the list of contributing factors why public schools are under-performing in the Common Entrance Exams. I’m sure the Minister hardly expects that the parents who are “involved” to feel that she’s being disrespectful and disregarding “their” efforts.
Whether or not ABILITY started last year or yesterday is a non-issue. The discussion is about the lack of any substantial progress being made in special education in Antigua & Barbuda.
So yes; I don’t expect everyone to agree with my sentiments and that is not always a bad thing but please don’t change the tone of the discussion to anything other than what it is – A campaign for improved educational provision for those children who have been excluded from or marginalized within our education system because of their apparent difficulties. I was under the impression that we had all acknowledged the importance of parents in matters relating to education and that we all agreed that we play an important role. Well, I. Am. A. Parent. An “involved” parent…
Here’s the Ministry’s current record:
Talk of a Diagnostic Centre: I’m not against this at all but as I’ve said before – After diagnosis then what? Plus it suggests a sort of narrow interpretation of our educational difficulties which to me only prevents progress in the field. It still does not answer the question why our schools are failing to teach so many children successfully.
Special Education Council (an advisory council): I have quite a few concerns with regards to the setup of this council. This isn’t an attack on the competence of the individuals who sit on this council. Absolutely not! But consider as I have that the Chair of this council is a senior executive within the Ministry of Education. How can/does this person now play the role of advisor? More than likely they are already a part of the decision-making process within the Ministry of Education – How do they then play the role of advisor? I’m just unable to see the reasoning behind this. Also, keep in mind that the Minister of Education is under no obligation to accept the advice of the council. So I will agree that the council is a step in the right direction but my concerns remain with regards to the structure of it, which is probably why we’re not seeing any real effects since its establishment. However, an advisory council is not answerable to anyone but the person/office it advises and the buck has to stop somewhere – And I say, that’s the Hon. Minister of Education and by extension the team (Ministry) which carries out their policies.
Offering Scholarships in Special Education: I’m all for getting more qualified teachers! But it’s great to offer scholarships but they need to fit into some larger plan.
Adele School: As I’ve said before; the Adele School is overcrowded and under-resourced. They are doing the best they can with what they have. However, I do not agree that the building of an additional classroom is the answer to what are systemic issues. It’s just adding to the problem.
Some recommendations were made in the September 3rd article. To recap, they focused on:
Legislation: We need to make sure that our educational act emphasizes the responsibility to respond to student diversity. Antigua & Barbuda has signed onto the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities since 2007. What meaningful steps have we taken toward ratification of this convention?
Do – Let’s “Try” something: I believe that pilot projects are usually a great way to start. It gives you a chance to work on the model, to seek out the innovators, gives you the opportunity to prepare the people who can then be used to lead the implementation process.
Education and Training: Teachers will need the skills and the self-confidence to take these new proposals into the classroom. This is how improvements will take place – And confidence comes through experience and training. They will need this so they can support each other and encourage experimentation with new ways of teaching. Currently the lack of flexibility and the rigidity in the methods of teaching does not favor the participation of children who might experience difficulties in learning. But a lot of this depends on…
Support: If what is going on now is any indication of how important a role support plays when attempting to bring about change, I don’t know what is. Community participation is important, especially parent involvement. And finally;
Data Collection (Research): Put simply; it’s an important quality component. The better you get at collecting relevant and accurate data the better decisions you make. Year after year we hear of an education budget but it’s difficult to say whether there is any correlation between the amount spent on the education system and its ability to be effective in responding to diversity.
I’m an ordinary mom. The only special interest I have is for my son and others like him to have equal access to an appropriate and adequate education. Actually the more I learn about this, the more I realize how reasoned changes would improve education for all kids. I’m proud to be able to speak up and out for them and even more determined not to stop, not even when change comes – After all change is constant. This is how things continue to evolve and get better. I hope I can get more people to join me.
So yes; there are folks who have contributed a lot to special education in Antigua & Barbuda.
And yes; I’m thankful for their contributions and the assistance they’ve given to so many children including mine.
But if anyone wants to know; yes; We. All. Want. More!
Hon. Minister of Education; thanks for all you’re about to do.
Salma Crump (Involved Parent)
momtuition 
The Comeback Kid
Posted by: momtuition on: April 8, 2013
Hey Mister… Shut up!
I think I’ve had it up to here – Folks; I’m up on a ladder with my hands above my head so I’m right up to my limit – With the rude comments from strangers, friends (although I’m reconsidering this label) or family (unfortunately, I’m stuck with this one). So, please indulge me as I go through a little DIY therapy session and put some things in perspective.
Chief Tormentor
“Wait! Is he retarded or something?” Dear God please help me! I want to drop-kick this man. I’ve watched enough Jet Li movies; I could so do it – BUT – I didn’t. Ladies and gentlemen, I actually responded and said; “He’s autistic.” Somewhere between my mind and my mouth I dropped “you idiot”. I was so pissed!
Parent Expert
For the mom who comes up to me after he has had a meltdown… “You mustn’t let him embarrass you like that in public. You need to put your hand in his bottom.” She waits. I say nothing. She gives me the evil-eye. I continue ignoring her. She looks (disgust) at my son and shakes her head. I’m willing myself not to speak – So afraid of what may come out of my mouth.
Friends, Family and then some
Yes, we do discipline him. However, contrary to what you believe we can’t beat it out of him nor will we attempt to for your sake.
Ms. Tact Less
Did you do something to cause it? WHAT! I just had to walk away from that one. Whatever made you think you can ask me that? Arrrggghhh!
Showoff
Kuba was babbling up until about four (4) years old. So his speech at times is still not that clear. “He’s too big to be speaking like that.” My response: “No shit Sherlock!” Like really! Do you think that I (a) Don’t already know this, (b) Doing everything that we can to improve it and (c) He wants to improve just as bad. Telling me that you have a 5 year old grandson who speaks VERY WELL because his mom makes sure of it is not advice. It’s just you showing off so… SHUT! UP!
Dr. Know It All
I was watching this program on TV and they were talking about how this gluten-free diet/ABA therapy/freak juice /jumping out of a plane can cure autism. Look… The one thing that I know for sure is that to date there is no cure. Yes, there are therapies that help, but no one thing helps all autistic people. Take home message; not because you watch it on TV or read it in a book that it’s the gospel.
The Food Police
My kid is a picky eater, plus added to that he has a few food allergies which can sometimes make dining out a challenge. “I don’t know how you put up with how he eats. If he lived with me he would have to eat what I give him.” My response: “You should be happy then.” Tell me again why anyone would want to take this personal.
You know what? Very early I realized that I was going to have to develop some THICK skin and eventually I began to let things just roll off my back – And actually began to look forward to questions from folks because it gave me an opportunity to tell another person about autism and hopefully make them more aware and understanding. But more and more it’s becoming hard for me to keep a civil tongue in my head, especially when others can’t or won’t.
Folks, this is our tender spot here – And you’re making it so hard for us when you come at us this way.
Ahhh… Yes. That high road… Sometimes filled with jerks and meddlers who think they have a right to talk to me as the wish and ask me any intrusive question that pops into their mind. As much as possible I try not to listen to the voice in my head. Imagine that! Not listening to the voice in my head – Thought we were to supposed to listen that one? But for now, with me, it won’t be pretty if that voice takes the lead so I swallow what a part of me so want to give right back to them because I’m going to be the one who regrets it, because I’m the one that knows better. And at the end of the day, I’ve done nothing to inform an uneducated mind. Plus hopefully I’m teaching my son a lesson about advocating for himself.
Again, let me repeat… It’s not EASY for me to do this. When you sometimes want to give someone the “one-finger salute” because words fail you, and it is still illegal to drop-kick someone in a supermarket. Totally kidding – But it means that they have hit a nerve. However for the times that I’ve stopped and talked to someone about autism, nine times out of ten, I think they walk away feeling pretty foolish for the way they spoke to me and there’s been times that some folks have even apologized. And that right there, I can’t tell you how much it means to me.
So the next time you’re in the supermarket and you see a mom with a kid who’s having a meltdown… If you’re 12, go ahead and stare, I’m cool with that. If you’re 41; don’t come over and insist that I spank him, tell me that I’m a bad parent and start talking to the other folks in the aisle about how you would never tolerate that behavior or shout “Is he retarded!” Because when you do that; quiet inside-voice… Quite – He can hear you – And, most days, I couldn’t care less but really and truly, I would rather not expose him to this and have him feel uncomfortable.
You can though, feel free to give me the “I’ve been there smile”, ask if you can help or you can just ignore us. I’m cool with that.
So; are we all on the same page? Awesome! Thanks for listening.
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