Archive for the ‘Eating Habits’ Category
The Boycott
Posted on: January 29, 2012
- In: Dos & Don'ts | driving | Eating Habits | Nuts & Bolts | Say What! | Thinking OUT LOUD
- 4 Comments
And no it’s not a business meeting… Who the hell in their right mind does that!
So I get there about 1PM; prime lunch time… The placed is packed and the line is loooong. I’m at Subway – Standing in line – And after a while I see folks just going up to the counter, turning around then leaving with each one slamming the door a little bit harder than the one before them. I stay in the line and wait my turn not realizing I’m heading into idiot-ville. All of a sudden you hear an outburst at the counter, “Whey yuh mean nun effing bread day?” (Translation: What do you mean there’s no bread?) Believe it when you hear that a hungry man is an angry man :). Folks started complaining and leaving after this but I stayed. Why? I’m sure you’re asking. I don’t know… Could be that by this time I was like , fricking hungry plus I’ve walked into idiot-ville a few times before so I guess a part of me was thinking that the people there know me – LOL. I don’t want to believe we’ve been standing here all this time and there’s no bread and no one is saying anything.
Anyway, I’m about to get to the counter… I get there, order a grilled chicken sub. The attendant lets me complete my order then says,
Food Attendant: There’s no bread but you can get a wrap
Me (thinking): UN-SignLanguage-BELIEVEABLE! SIDE NOTE: My alter-ego wanted to say, “Whey yuh mean nu effing bread day?” But I usually talk my alter-ego out of doing and saying shit all the time so… What some people would call the “stush” me said…
Me: Are you kidding me? When were you guys going to say something? We’ve been standing in line all this time and no one saw if fit to make an announcement?
Food Attendant: We have wraps
Me (thinking): Well NEWS-PlentyWords-FLASH… That’s why people are leaving! No-one cares about the damn wraps! SIDE NOTE: By the way does it make sense for me to tell you that by this time she’s now telling me that they’re out of cucumber and tomatoes so if I want the wrap those won’t be included. I know… IN-JailTime-CREDIBLE!
Me: Is the cost for this wrap any cheaper?
Food Attendant: No. It’s the same amount
I then turned around and said…
Me: EVERYBODY! Subway is out of BREAD and TOMATOES and CUCUMBER!” So if you don’t want a Who-Gives-A-Shit-Wrap you can leave now!
SIDE NOTE: Ok, I didn’t actually say that second part about the wrap – BUT I so wish I did, right? It sounds so bad-ass! And I don’t think I would have obsessed about it either. Like think that maybe there was someone telling them all along to make an announcement to the customers but they ignored her. And she didn’t want to say anything because she had just started working there and feared that she would lose her job if she did. Plus there’s a guy in the line that she was checking out and it looked like he was checking her out too. Now she’s wondering what he’s thinking after my outburst. She’s embarrassed. Like that I would be obsessing. God… I need to get this OCD shit under control. BTW, in my nut-job obsession if I said what I didn’t say then obsessed about it – They guy would be thinking… I hope they close this joint early so I can walk this chick to her car, bus or wherever ;). Bow-chicka-wow-wow ;).
Anyway, my announcement caused most of the other suckers (like myself) to leave. Back to my car that’s parked illegally, in a spot not suited for parking, in a spot where it should not be with the engine running. That’s the trick folks. Leave your engine running – This way if you come back out and a cop is about to write a ticket your excuse makes better sense. You know… Something like; “It was just going to be in and out officer. I didn’t expect to take this long. I went in there and so and so (make shit up – LOL) happened.”
SIDE NOTE: Murda! Nuh badda sen dis to yuh police fren. Yuh too libarty! Translation: Please do not send this post to your friend who’s a police. Nobody asked you to, so don’t!
SIDE NOTE: And please… If e between a tief and yuh ploice fren. Tek all de libarty yuh want and send ge yuh police fren… PLEASE! Nuh tell nun teif bout dis! Translation: Cyarn badda wid dat right now! Seriously though… Translation: If you JUST HAVE TO TALK about my car and how I park with the engine running – And you have to choose between your friend who’s a police and your friend who’s a thief – Tell your friend who’s a cop. By the way if you haven’t already started think about that intervention with the thief now is the time to do so.
Anyway, back to my rant…
Now tell me… How the hell does Subway run out of bread? Cookies…? Yes! We-don’t-give-a-shit-about-your-wraps? Yes! But bread! You’re in the sandwich business for crying-out-loud! You don’t run out of bread!
I went to Subway one day to get a sandwich for lunch a little after they opened in Antigua – And that’s what happened which led to a one-man boycott that lasted a few years.
Yes… After a few years I went back. Turns out Charlton took Kuba there and he loves their pizza. I know right…? You would think I could count on him to boycott with me.
My unfortunate experience took place at the Subway city branch which I’ve been into twice (yes twice) since the end of the boycott. So much time had passed that I did not recognize anyone so I was hoping that they had either worked their way up so I don’t have to see them or out which would be better for Subway and folks like me
Anyway, now… I could not be happier with the service. And this is the service at the Old Parham Road branch. There’s even an attendant there that recognizes us as soon as we walk in and pretty much knows our order. Now that’s service!
By the way folks, there’s this FB Group that sort of led to me writing this post. I was initially writing this as a comment on this page but whaddayaknow… Turned out to be an epistle. I should have known. I have trouble doing anything small :). Take a look at the page though and consider joining too.
UPDATED: KY Jelly Crack Burger
Posted on: October 6, 2011
- In: Diet | Eating Habits | feeling | Pork Eater | Thinking OUT LOUD
- 1 Comment
Remember the other day I told you about my virgin burger experience: KY Jelly Crack Burger
Now this morning, woke up with burger recipes on my mind. This obsession is getting out of hand but I can’t stop myself. But I’m thinking by the time I get finished talking about Burger BLAST they might decide to hire me and pay me in burgers – And that would be so worth it.
Name this Burger
Put in a few slices of avocado
Pineapple… Not the canned stuff because hello… We live in the land of pineapple… I think. What is it again? Is there some slogan about Antigua and pineapples? Anyway there’s a place in the south (please tell me I’m getting at least that right) with a huge pineapple farm so we shouldn’t be eating the canned stuff. But if that’s all you have I’ll still take it 🙂
Bacon… Done crispy. It’s hard to screw bacon up
Onions… Preferably sautéed and mushrooms too. A burger without onions is not a burger.
Tomatoes and Cucumber, Lettuce is optional
Secret Sauce – Every restaurant is supposed to have a secret sauce or two. So if you’re buying your secret sauce at the supermarket don’t let a chatter-box employee see you pouring it out in another bottle.
Next Recipe…
The REAL HAMburger
Ham… The one cooked mainly at Christmas not from the can
Tomato
Ham
Cucumber
Ham
Lettuce
Ham
Mushrooms
Ham
Onion
Ham
Sweet Pepper
Ham
Avocado
Ham
Bacon
Shut up (lol)
Ham
Anything else you can think of
All in a Brownie bread
Now I’m hungry…
KY Jelly Crack Burger
Posted on: October 3, 2011
- In: Diet | Eating Habits | feeling | Pork Eater | Thinking OUT LOUD | Virgin Series
- 7 Comments
God grant me the serenity to accept that as much as I tell myself so, that I cannot change wanting the Mozi Burger at Burger BLAST and I must accept that feeling (the immense insatiable burger craving) as one that I cannot change.
Give me the courage to order a salad tomorrow; and wisdom to know to share the number for that joint with my skinny friends… In love of course.
Had my virgin burger on Saturday. Yes, that’s right VIRGIN BURGER! The ones before that didn’t count. Straight up the best burger I’ve had in Antigua. It’s cheap, (lets’ call it a “recessionurger”) juicy and best of all it’s made the way you want it. There are so many varieties, and if you don’t see the one you want on the menu, you can just tell them your toppings… That’s what I did. And I was a virgin when I walked into that place… Remember? That was a bold move, don’t you think? I’m salivating now just thinking about it. It’s bad.
I’m trying to think of what they can do to make this place better. You know what they could install a time machine so you can go into it after eating one of their burgers and remove just the amount of calories and fat you just ingested. LOL
Ok – I know they could give us more napkins! So go with people you know because you’re gonna be licking your fingers and probably theirs. OMG! That’s gross! I take that back! I TAKE IT BACK!
Ok; so I still need to think about how they can improve. But guys… Even the customer service was good. And you know it’s not often enough that those two connect and make it like; Oooooo… Aaahhh… POW! Stars falling from the sky. Ok; I’m beginning to sound like a KY Jelly Sensation ad.
Go try one and let me know if it was as good for you as it was for me 😉
The Burger Prayer
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one bite at a time;
Accepting fat and calories as the pathway to satisfaction;
Taking, as others did, this sinful burger
as it is, not as nutritionists would have it;
Trusting that it will make all things right
if I surrender just this one time;
That I may be reasonably happy at Burger BLAST
and supremely happy with this burger
Forever… Well until the next.
Amen.
- In: Autism & Diet | Diet | Dietary Issues | Eating Habits | Uncategorized
- 2 Comments
KUBA JUST ATE MASHED POTATOES WITH CARROTS IN IT! I’m soooooo HAPPY!
He had the fated meal today for lunch. It would be my ‘plentieth” time trying it and or something similar and he never ate. This morning on a whim (me and these words… when was the last time you said “whim”) I decided to try it. He’s by his aunt today and I forgot to mention it to her when I dropped him off. I totally expected him not to eat it.
I’m at the office talking to a friend and telling her that tonight I’m looking forward to about 4 to 5 hours at the dinner table with Kuba – Trying to get him to eat some food. This would be leftovers from the night before when he kept a spoonful of rice and peas in his mouth for over an hour. It was getting late and I was not in the mood to continue and neither was he (obviously) so I told him to go brush his teeth and go to bed. And he was only too willing to oblige.
SIDE NOTE: Guys… We’re keeping too much shit in these kid’s rooms. They’re happy to go there. What did you say mom… Go to Disneyland? Ok. Hi Mickey, Hi Garfield… See you in the morning mom 🙂
So just when I’m telling her about my upcoming quality time (NOT) with Kuba tonight is when I remember him and the surprise lunch waiting for him. Its way past lunch now and I call to find out if he ate it…
Aunt: Hi, are you coming to pickup Kuba now?
Me: No, I was just calling to find out if he ate his lunch
Aunt: Now… Kuba ate everything already (She laughing)
Me: Yeah?
Aunt: Yes
Me: I didn’t think he was going to eat it. I gave him mashed potatoes with carrot
Aunt: Oh, I thought it was cheese
Me: No, It’s carrot
Aunt: Oh, that’s why he kept looking at it and saying “This is gross”
Me: Yeah? (Laughing)
Aunt: He was saying, “This is gross” (Laughing)
Me: This is good. I’m so happy
I call my friend back to tell her the good news. She was happy for me, I was happy, Kuba was happy; his stomach was full with this gross stuff. Happiness was in the air. SIDE NOTE: I should have known to quit with the calling while I was happy. But no. I decided to call Charlton – You know, in hindsight I should have known better. Kuba’s eating habits in usually a contentious issue. So I call…
Me: Guess what happened?
Charlton: What?
Me: Kuba ate mashed potatoes with carrot today
Charlton: From who?
SIDE NOTE: This is where the conversation should have ended. But noooo… You see if it was the other way around (him calling me) then damn-straight I would want to know “From who?” But since I’m the… Wait a minute… What am I? Ahhh, whatever… Since I’m “me”… Anyway back to the convo…
Me: I cooked it this morning. I was going to do the plain mash potato then just decided to mash a carrot with it
Charlton: You see… I told you. You just need to give it to him and he’ll eat it
SIDE NOTE: Lex Luther what did you do with my Clark Kent? Because this man I’m talking to appears to be returning from Assville and not Smallville. I could have sworn that he was there when I was sitting around the dinner table for 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 hours trying to feed this kid. When I spend 3times the amount on wheat or gluten free pasta, when I try to sneak beet juice in his fruit juice, when I shave carrots in his mac and cheese, put peas in there, put corn in there, put peas and corn and carrot in there – When I make him mash green bananas and he always says no to it but once he tastes it he loves it – and that this is the “plentieth” time that I’m putting carrot in his mash potato and he never ate it and that I’ve tried with beets and not even I would eat that LOL :). Anyway
Me: It’s not as easy as it sounds coming out of your mouth
Charlton: I keep telling you that if you don’t buy it he won’t eat it and he won’t ask for it if it’s not there
Me: You’re talking as if I buy a lot of junk for Kuba. Why don’t you try sitting around the table with him to get him to eat something he doesn’t like
Charlton: When a man is hungry he will eat. I keep telling you to just give him the food. If he doesn’t eat it then you just put it up and when he’s hungry again he’ll have to eat that first
SIDE NOTE: Yeah, I know what you’re thinking… Salma, done de canvasation (finish the conversation). Ladies and gentlemen regardless of what this imposter might lead you to believe, “I’ve been there, done that”.
Me: I called you to…
Charlton: What are you saying? I killed your excitement?
Me: Yes. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. We’ll talk later
Charlton: I didn’t mean to… (I interrupt him)
Me: We’ll talk later KILL JOY
SIDE NOTE: Didn’t actually say the “KILL JOY” part of it but I wanted to… I should have. I mean damn! Now I have to consider; should I go to Smallville (you know that’s where Lex is from right?) to find my Clark Kent or should I go to Assville to get reacquainted with the townsfolk there? LOL 🙂
P.S. I don’t think Garfield lives at Disney. Now I think about it he wouldn’t get along with Mickey.
momtuition 
The Comeback Kid
Posted by: momtuition on: April 8, 2013
Hey Mister… Shut up!
I think I’ve had it up to here – Folks; I’m up on a ladder with my hands above my head so I’m right up to my limit – With the rude comments from strangers, friends (although I’m reconsidering this label) or family (unfortunately, I’m stuck with this one). So, please indulge me as I go through a little DIY therapy session and put some things in perspective.
Chief Tormentor
“Wait! Is he retarded or something?” Dear God please help me! I want to drop-kick this man. I’ve watched enough Jet Li movies; I could so do it – BUT – I didn’t. Ladies and gentlemen, I actually responded and said; “He’s autistic.” Somewhere between my mind and my mouth I dropped “you idiot”. I was so pissed!
Parent Expert
For the mom who comes up to me after he has had a meltdown… “You mustn’t let him embarrass you like that in public. You need to put your hand in his bottom.” She waits. I say nothing. She gives me the evil-eye. I continue ignoring her. She looks (disgust) at my son and shakes her head. I’m willing myself not to speak – So afraid of what may come out of my mouth.
Friends, Family and then some
Yes, we do discipline him. However, contrary to what you believe we can’t beat it out of him nor will we attempt to for your sake.
Ms. Tact Less
Did you do something to cause it? WHAT! I just had to walk away from that one. Whatever made you think you can ask me that? Arrrggghhh!
Showoff
Kuba was babbling up until about four (4) years old. So his speech at times is still not that clear. “He’s too big to be speaking like that.” My response: “No shit Sherlock!” Like really! Do you think that I (a) Don’t already know this, (b) Doing everything that we can to improve it and (c) He wants to improve just as bad. Telling me that you have a 5 year old grandson who speaks VERY WELL because his mom makes sure of it is not advice. It’s just you showing off so… SHUT! UP!
Dr. Know It All
I was watching this program on TV and they were talking about how this gluten-free diet/ABA therapy/freak juice /jumping out of a plane can cure autism. Look… The one thing that I know for sure is that to date there is no cure. Yes, there are therapies that help, but no one thing helps all autistic people. Take home message; not because you watch it on TV or read it in a book that it’s the gospel.
The Food Police
My kid is a picky eater, plus added to that he has a few food allergies which can sometimes make dining out a challenge. “I don’t know how you put up with how he eats. If he lived with me he would have to eat what I give him.” My response: “You should be happy then.” Tell me again why anyone would want to take this personal.
You know what? Very early I realized that I was going to have to develop some THICK skin and eventually I began to let things just roll off my back – And actually began to look forward to questions from folks because it gave me an opportunity to tell another person about autism and hopefully make them more aware and understanding. But more and more it’s becoming hard for me to keep a civil tongue in my head, especially when others can’t or won’t.
Folks, this is our tender spot here – And you’re making it so hard for us when you come at us this way.
Ahhh… Yes. That high road… Sometimes filled with jerks and meddlers who think they have a right to talk to me as the wish and ask me any intrusive question that pops into their mind. As much as possible I try not to listen to the voice in my head. Imagine that! Not listening to the voice in my head – Thought we were to supposed to listen that one? But for now, with me, it won’t be pretty if that voice takes the lead so I swallow what a part of me so want to give right back to them because I’m going to be the one who regrets it, because I’m the one that knows better. And at the end of the day, I’ve done nothing to inform an uneducated mind. Plus hopefully I’m teaching my son a lesson about advocating for himself.
Again, let me repeat… It’s not EASY for me to do this. When you sometimes want to give someone the “one-finger salute” because words fail you, and it is still illegal to drop-kick someone in a supermarket. Totally kidding – But it means that they have hit a nerve. However for the times that I’ve stopped and talked to someone about autism, nine times out of ten, I think they walk away feeling pretty foolish for the way they spoke to me and there’s been times that some folks have even apologized. And that right there, I can’t tell you how much it means to me.
So the next time you’re in the supermarket and you see a mom with a kid who’s having a meltdown… If you’re 12, go ahead and stare, I’m cool with that. If you’re 41; don’t come over and insist that I spank him, tell me that I’m a bad parent and start talking to the other folks in the aisle about how you would never tolerate that behavior or shout “Is he retarded!” Because when you do that; quiet inside-voice… Quite – He can hear you – And, most days, I couldn’t care less but really and truly, I would rather not expose him to this and have him feel uncomfortable.
You can though, feel free to give me the “I’ve been there smile”, ask if you can help or you can just ignore us. I’m cool with that.
So; are we all on the same page? Awesome! Thanks for listening.
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